I found the following conversation on my work computer:

[My friend Name Withheld is trying to find an aria from Don Giovanni on a file-swapping service]
(15:25:51) Name Withheld: sigh…my song still hasn’t finished downloading…
(15:26:31) D. J.: You mean the one about the UFOs and conga-line dancing?
(15:26:38) D. J.: The one with the five-minute drum solo?
(15:26:41) NW: yeah, it quit on me!
(15:26:44) NW: I’m pissed.
(15:27:17) NW: No, I really am. You know when you really really want to hear a song?
(15:27:24) NW: Well I really really wanna listen to this.
(15:27:29) D. J.: What I never understood is how Don Giovanni turns out to be Dirk’s long-lost twin brother in the end, even though they totally don’t look alike and they’re dating the same Roman Catholic priest.
(15:27:38) D. J.: I know the feeling.
(15:28:39) NW: .31 K/s?!! THIS IS RIDICULOUS ARGHGHGHG
(15:28:57) D. J.: I mean, by the very end of the opera, I’m actually glad that Zeus descends from the rafters dressed like Oprah and hands out poisoned candy to the whole village. Talk about deus ex machina!
(15:29:32) NW: hahaha
(15:29:36) NW: lovely
(15:29:59) D. J.: Whatever… it’s not Mozart’s best work. I liked the one about NASCAR better.
(15:30:34) NW: So far I like Don Giovanni the best. Although I haven’t heard the Magic Flute yet.
(15:31:17) D. J.: Is that the one where the magic bears come out of 500 years of hibernation to find that their dinner has become cold, so they devour a nearby woodsman?
(15:31:58) NW: where do you come up with this stuff?
(15:32:11) D. J.: WHERE DOES MOZART COME UP WITH THIS STUFF?
(15:32:30) D. J.: I think he was smoking, like, 19th-century crack or something.
(15:32:55) NW: no way man. Don Giovanni wasn’t even his creation. It was started by another guy.
(15:33:06) D. J.: Well, that explains a lot.
(15:33:09) NW: Mozart made up the bulk of it, though.
(15:33:55) NW: just a bit of trivia I picked up when I was at THE OPERA two weeks ago.
(15:34:20) D. J.: Seriously, my parents listened to/watched opera when I was growing up, so I’ve seen and heard all of Mozart’s operas (and operettas) long, long ago.
(15:34:42) D. J.: I used to have 45s of Carmen.
(15:34:49) NW: yeah yeah whatever. We can’t all come from such sophisticated beginnings.
(15:35:14) NW: I got into opera when I was about 10. I bought a book of opera and played in on the piano.
(15:35:35) D. J.: How is an opera about sleeping with your sister and throwing pies at the nobility “sophisticated”?
(15:36:08) NW: haha which opera is this?
(15:37:44) D. J.: “The Incontinent Jester.” It was his first operetta. You know, before they started getting all experimental and “po-mo.”
(15:38:06) NW: I don’t trust you anymore…I’m looking this up!
(15:38:25) D. J.: What possible good would come out of you looking this stuff up?
(15:38:38) NW: just to see.
(15:39:27) NW: woah…a duet by pavarotti and sheryl crow? weird…
(15:39:33) NW: I didn’t make that one up, it’s real.
(15:40:48) D. J.: Listen, I’m telling you… “the Magic Flute” is just this one, long, rambling solo Mozart wrote while he was on acid.
(15:41:11) NW: Well from what I’ve seen in Amadeus, it looks kind of interesting.
(15:41:20) D. J.: That movie was nothing but lies!!!!!
(15:41:37) NW: I don’t believe you! I’m sure it was as historically accurate as possible.
(15:42:10) D. J.: He should have never left Kraftwerk. He probably would never had entered that downward spiral or gotten mauled by hyenas.
(15:42:25) NW: Dude, that guy Salieri was such a bastard!
(15:42:41) NW: yeah I was kinda hoping he and Haydn would go on tour together.
(15:42:48) NW: haha…’haydn’
(15:42:55) D. J.: If they told anyone the real story of Mozart, people would start freaking out.
(15:43:03) NW: that’s his new name. Kinda like how prince changed his name to that weird symbol.
(15:43:24) NW: I never realized how weird that names looks…
(15:43:26) NW: ‘Haydn’
(15:44:01) D. J.: It’s austrian, they have no idea about things like that.
(15:45:36) NW: I’d probably do Mozart if he was around. And, you know…not 200 years old or anything. And not dead.
(15:45:57) D. J.: Necrophiliac!!!
(15:46:11) NW: I said NOT dead!
(15:46:15) D. J.: Although, now that I think about it, so was Mozart…
(15:46:16) NW: critical reading skills!
(15:46:23) NW: you shut up!
(15:46:24) D. J.: yeah, yeah, I was reading between the lines.
(15:47:45) D. J.: I’m not making this up, it’s all his “The Enchanted Tractor and the Women who Loved It.”
(15:48:31) D. J.: he was one fucked up dude.
(15:48:37) NW: y’know, I do have a porn called Tractor Trash.
(15:48:46) D. J.: LOL
(15:48:55) NW: so THERE!
(15:50:14) D. J.: Mozart loved porn.
(15:50:23) NW: now that I’ll believe.
(15:50:46) D. J.: Of course, in his day, it was copied by hand by perverted monks and passed down through the church.
(15:51:20) D. J.: Exquisite lettering, but rather tame by today’s standards.
(15:51:48) D. J.: Except for all the bestiality stuff, which used to be way more commonplace back when everyone lived on farms.
(15:52:06) NW: haha…So are you going to do any work today?