NOV
11
2010
ASTOR PL OPERA HOUSE RIOTS MAR…

ASTOR PL OPERA HOUSE RIOTS MARK FIRST TIME ARMY CALLED TO CULL CITY’S WHEAT FROM LOW-BRED DRUNKEN FILTHY IGNORANT SHAKESPEARE-LOVING CHAFF

NOV
08
2010
NOTICED @DalaiLama HAS OVER ON…

NOTICED @DalaiLama HAS OVER ONE MILLION TWITTER FOLLOWERS BUT DOESN’T FOLLOW ANYBODY BACK STOP HEY EVER HEARD OF A LITTLE THING CALLED KARMA

NOV
07
2010
@KeithOlbermann IDEA: RETURN T…

@KeithOlbermann IDEA: RETURN TO AIR WITH HEARTFELT APOLOGY INDICTING @FoxNews AND HAVE BEN AFFLECK DELIVER IT AS YOU

NOV
06
2010
WHEN WE FOUND GRANDPA MISSING …

WHEN WE FOUND GRANDPA MISSING WE FEARED WORST STOP THEN FOUND SILVERWARE AND LIQUOR MISSING STOP AT LEAST HE’S COMPOS MENTIS

NOV
04
2010
@MoRocca: HIPSTERS ON A PLANE …

@MoRocca: HIPSTERS ON A PLANE STOP THE HORROR STOP THE HORROR

NOV
04
2010
♺ @MoRocca: So many iden…

♺ @MoRocca: So many identical MacBooks on airpt sec conveyer belt. Waiting 4 Mac mix-up romantic comedy w/ Justin Long. Title?

OCT
28
2010
@ZODIAC_MF SON SON SON SON SON…

@ZODIAC_MF SON SON SON SON SON SON SON SON SON SON SON

OCT
28
2010
RT @ZODIAC_MF: POP POP POP POP…

RT @ZODIAC_MF: POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP

OCT
25
2010
@EmilyEDickinson WHY CAN EVERY…

@EmilyEDickinson WHY CAN EVERYTHING YOU WRITE BE SUNG TO THE TUNE OF GILLIGAN’S ISLAND STOP WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL US

OCT
25
2010
DADDY WENT AND LOST HIS LEG ST…

DADDY WENT AND LOST HIS LEG STOP THE POOR INVALID IS A TERRIBLE POKER PLAYER

OCT
25
2010
DILLINGER SHOT DEAD OUTSIDE CI…

DILLINGER SHOT DEAD OUTSIDE CINEMA RUNNING FROM GMEN STOP CAUGHT EXITING GANGSTER MELODRAMA STOP COPS PREFER THEIR STORY IN LIVING COLOR

OCT
24
2010
ARRIVED BUFFALO LAST WEEK WITH…

ARRIVED BUFFALO LAST WEEK WITH JUST SAWBUCK AND ANTIQUE CUFFLINKS STOP LEFT LAST NIGHT WITH FIFTY GRAND AND WARRANT FOR MY ARREST

OCT
24
2010
@SarahKSilverman A LITTLE ELBO…

@SarahKSilverman A LITTLE ELBOW GREASE AND A FINE SHAMMY JUST MIGHT DO THE TRICK

OCT
24
2010
RT @SarahKSilverman: This cons…

RT @SarahKSilverman: This constant masturbation is losing it’s sheen.

OCT
22
2010
@CAPSCOP WELCOME TO THE DARK S…

@CAPSCOP WELCOME TO THE DARK SIDE

OCT
20
2010
@ebertchicago CANCEL THE HOPI …

@ebertchicago CANCEL THE HOPI SWEAT LODGE STOP WHY NOT JUST HEAD TO THE LOCAL SHVITZ INSTEAD STOP THEY’VE GOT BETTER INSURANCE

OCT
20
2010
RT @ebertchicago: NYTimes head…

RT @ebertchicago: NYTimes headline: “After Sweat Lodge Deaths, Fewer Tourists With Spiritual Needs”

OCT
20
2010
FIRST PAVED ROAD NOW TELEGRAPH…

FIRST PAVED ROAD NOW TELEGRAPH WIRE NEXT ASBESTOS FACTORY STOP OUR TOWN HAS BRIGHT FUTURE AHEAD STOP SMELL OF OPPORTUNITY IN THE AIR

OCT
20
2010
ULCER SUFFERERS REJOICE STOP P…

ULCER SUFFERERS REJOICE STOP PROF FLETCHER’S DISTILLED TONIC STOP FIRST PATENT MEDICINE WITH GIN ALREADY INCLUDED

OCT
18
2010
@CrankyKaplan LET GO OF THE TE…

@CrankyKaplan LET GO OF THE TELEGRAPH WIRE

OCT
18
2010
RT @CrankyKaplan: SLIGHT TINGL…

RT @CrankyKaplan: SLIGHT TINGLING SENSATION IN FINGERTIPS. FUCK, I HATE HAVING A TINGLING SENSATION.

OCT
14
2010
@hunterw THAT’S BECAUSE THERE’…

@hunterw THAT’S BECAUSE THERE’S TOO MUCH TRAFFIC

OCT
14
2010
RT @hunterw: Angelenos CANNOT …

RT @hunterw: Angelenos CANNOT drive

OCT
13
2010
RAISING CHICKENS WITH LITTLE S…

RAISING CHICKENS WITH LITTLE SUCCESS STOP PLENTY OF WATER SUNLIGHT FERTILIZER STOP BEEN PLANTING THEM HEADFIRST BUT NEIGHBOR SAYS FEET FIRST

OCT
10
2010
@megancarpentier THAT’S BECAUS…

@megancarpentier THAT’S BECAUSE FOX NEWS VIEWERS THINK ALGORITHM MUST BE SOME KIND OF GLOBAL WARMING HOAX PERPETRATED BY HOMOSEXUALS

OCT
10
2010
RT @megancarpentier: On 60 Min…

RT @megancarpentier: On 60 Minutes, they just defined “algorithm,” proving Neil Cavuto right for admonishing me on-air on FBN for using …

OCT
10
2010
@ToureX WHAT A JADED VIEW OF N…

@ToureX WHAT A JADED VIEW OF NAIVETE

OCT
10
2010
RT @ToureX: RT @jennyholzer: I…

RT @ToureX: RT @jennyholzer: IT’S BETTER TO BE NAIVE THAN JADED

OCT
10
2010
@LUBAVITCH_REBBE GEVALT STOP T…

@LUBAVITCH_REBBE GEVALT STOP THEY COULD STONE YOU FOR WEARING WOMEN’S UNDERWEAR STOP GOOD THING GOD’S NOT ON TWITTER

OCT
10
2010
RT @LUBAVITCH_REBBE: Bitches, …

RT @LUBAVITCH_REBBE: Bitches, I’m STONED…and wearing women’s underwear!

OCT
10
2010
PLEASE SEND EVERYTHING YOU CAN…

PLEASE SEND EVERYTHING YOU CAN STOP SIX HOGSHEADS LARD SLID OFF DELIVERY WAGON STOP REST OF OUR INVENTORY SLID OFF GREASED BRIDGE

OCT
02
2010
@michaelianblack: 8YR OLD SCOT…

@michaelianblack: 8YR OLD SCOTCH STOP THAT’LL TEACH HIM TO RESPECT HIS ELDERS

OCT
02
2010
♺ @michaelianblack: What…

♺ @michaelianblack: What’s a great gift for a 5-yr-old boy? And DON’T say a bottle of Walgreen’s generic acetaminophin. Because it’s NOT.

SEP
17
2010
@Edgar_Allan_Poe PERHAPS IT WA…

@Edgar_Allan_Poe PERHAPS IT WAS HIS TERRIBLE SPELLING AND OVERALL WEAK GRAMMAR

SEP
17
2010
RT @Edgar_Allan_Poe: Jack the …

RT @Edgar_Allan_Poe: Jack the Ripper was misunderstood.

SEP
15
2010
RT @ZODIAC_MF: FUCK YEAH THIS …

RT @ZODIAC_MF: FUCK YEAH THIS GUY KNOWS HIS FACTS RT @telegramslost WHY NOT TAKE SIDE ACTION ON HOW MANY FREE DRINKS YOU CAN GET

SEP
15
2010
@ZODIAC_MF WHY NOT TAKE SIDE A…

@ZODIAC_MF WHY NOT TAKE SIDE ACTION ON HOW MANY FREE DRINKS YOU CAN GET

SEP
15
2010
RT @ZODIAC_MF: THE ONLY GOOD G…

RT @ZODIAC_MF: THE ONLY GOOD GAME IN A CASINO IS TRYING TO SCAM FREE DRINKS WITHOUT SPENDING ANY FUCKING MONEY

SEP
15
2010
@TweetsofOld FAT CHANCE WOLF S…

@TweetsofOld FAT CHANCE WOLF STOP I’LL SET UP MY OWN POST OFFICE OUT WEST STOP YOU’LL NEVER FIND ME

SEP
15
2010
RT @TweetsofOld: The person wh…

RT @TweetsofOld: The person who stole the letter stamp and ink pad from the post office is requested to return same to J. H. Wolf. IL1897

SEP
15
2010
EVEN SQUIRRELS IN CITY ARE STU…

EVEN SQUIRRELS IN CITY ARE STUCK UP STOP TRIED TO FEED ONE A FLAVORED POTATO CHIP STOP RODENT SNIFFED THEN RECONSIDERED

SEP
06
2010
@varnado: WE HAVE POST-HOLIDAY…

@varnado: WE HAVE POST-HOLIDAY CLEARANCE SALES AND DOUBLE OVERTIME INSTEAD

SEP
06
2010
♺ @varnado: there’s no J…

♺ @varnado: there’s no Jewish equivalent to Santa.

SEP
05
2010
@TweetsofOld OL MRS WILLIAMS A…

@TweetsofOld OL MRS WILLIAMS ALWAYS WINS WITH HER CRY STOP I KNOW WHERE THE BODIES ARE BURIED STOP GETS EM EVERY TIME

SEP
05
2010
RT @TweetsofOld: Mrs. Charles …

RT @TweetsofOld: Mrs. Charles Williams won first place in the husband call contest at the Lyndon County fair. KS1928

SEP
02
2010
EVERYONE’S SO EXCITED ABOUT PN…

EVERYONE’S SO EXCITED ABOUT PNEUMATIC TUBES NOWADAYS STOP WHAT WILL BECOME OF THE HUMBLE TELEGRAPH STOP SUPPOSE YOU CAN’T WIRE A SANDWICH

AUG
27
2010
PROFESSOR FLETCHER’S ALL-PURPO…

PROFESSOR FLETCHER’S ALL-PURPOSE UNGUENT OINTMENT AND POMADE STOP CURES EVERY MODERN AFFLICTION FROM GOUT TO STUMP RASH TO COWLICKS

AUG
27
2010
RT @kevinpollak: Saw a Jewish …

RT @kevinpollak: Saw a Jewish Faith Healer. Cures by comparing illnesses. “Sprained your ankle? I have a growth on my colon the size of …

AUG
17
2010
PROF FLETCHER’S BRILLIANT WHIT…

PROF FLETCHER’S BRILLIANT WHITE COLLARS STOP FINEST CELLOPHANE KEROSENE FINISHED STOP PROFESSIONAL MEN KNOW HOW TO FIRE UP THEIR WARDROBE

AUG
14
2010
YOUR SPEEDY TELEGRAPHIC REPLY …

YOUR SPEEDY TELEGRAPHIC REPLY EVOKED NOSTALGIA FOR SIMPLER TIMES WHEN I COULD BE DEPRIVED OF YOUR STUPIDITY FOR MONTHS VIA POSTAL SERVICE

AUG
11
2010
@hunterw EVEN NOW YOU REALIZE …

@hunterw EVEN NOW YOU REALIZE THAT WHEN HENDRIX WAS MY AGE HE HAD BEEN DEAD FOR TWO YEARS

AUG
11
2010
@hunterw NOW I’LL FINALLY BE A…

@hunterw NOW I’LL FINALLY BE AS OLD AS I’VE LOOKED AND FELT FOR THE PAST DECADE

AUG
11
2010
HEARD YOU WERE TURNING THIRTY …

HEARD YOU WERE TURNING THIRTY STOP HOW UTTERLY BOURGEOIS

AUG
03
2010
SCHOOL GOING WELL STOP HAVEN’T…

SCHOOL GOING WELL STOP HAVEN’T BEEN TO ANY CLASSES YET STOP FORTUNATELY FOUND A FEW HIGH GRADES RUMMAGING THROUGH TRASH AT PROFESSORS HOMES

JUL
31
2010
@hunterw I ALWAYS BRING MY SPE…

@hunterw I ALWAYS BRING MY SPECIAL SANDWICHES ON TRAIN RIDES OF ANY LENGTH

JUL
30
2010
@TweetsofOld THEY BETTER CATCH…

@TweetsofOld THEY BETTER CATCH THAT THIEF TONIGHT STOP MY WIFE HAS FORTY CENTS SHUDDER TO THINK WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN IF HE CATCHES HOLD OF HER

JUL
30
2010
RT @TweetsofOld: Four prisoner…

RT @TweetsofOld: Four prisoners escaped, Wm. Sisk, Robert Morris,Tom Justice, white, all murderers, and a negro man who had stolen forty …

JUL
27
2010
@hunterw SERIOUS PEOPLE SEND T…

@hunterw SERIOUS PEOPLE SEND TELEGRAMS STOP THIS TWEETING IS FOR THE BIRDS

JUL
17
2010
PROF FLETCHER IN TOWN AGAIN WI…

PROF FLETCHER IN TOWN AGAIN WITH MEDICINE SHOW STOP ASKED HIM WHY HE GOT IN THE BUSINESS STOP SAID A MAN ONCE TOLD HIM FUTURE IS IN LIQUIDS

JUL
16
2010
@batshelter CHANCING UPON COLL…

@batshelter CHANCING UPON COLLEAGUE IN BATHROOM ETIQUETTE SAYS PAY A COMPLIMENT STOP THEN POLITELY PROFUSELY APOLOGIZE FOR SAID COMPLIMENT

JUL
13
2010
THIS IS MY FIRST TELEGRAM FROM…

THIS IS MY FIRST TELEGRAM FROM THE BIG CITY STOP THAT OL SAWBUCK I HAD SAVED UP SURE CAME IN HANDY STOP SAY WHAT DO YOU MEAN TWO BITS A WORD

JUL
13
2010
MINE COLLAPSE STOP NINE COMPAN…

MINE COLLAPSE STOP NINE COMPANY MEN LOST STOP SIX HORSES TWO CARTS SIX THOUSAND FOOT OF TRACK TWENTY PICKAXES STOP FEW DOZEN DAY LABORERS

JUL
13
2010
CAN STAND YOUR COVERT AFFAIRS …

CAN STAND YOUR COVERT AFFAIRS NO LONGER STOP LEAVING YOU RETURNING TO MY HUSBAND STOP AT LEAST HIS ADVENTURES WITH YOUR SISTER ARE PUBLIC

JUL
12
2010
SOUTHERN LEAGUE OF BASE BALLIS…

SOUTHERN LEAGUE OF BASE BALLISTS HOST HOMERUN DERBY JACKSNVLLE MACEDONIAS LICK SAVANNAH BROADS STOP COPS SWEAR LYNCHING KEPT TO BARE MINIMUM

JUL
06
2010
@CrankyKaplan TUESDAY NIGHTS A…

@CrankyKaplan TUESDAY NIGHTS ALWAYS THE SLOWEST

JUL
06
2010
RT @CrankyKaplan: AT BEACH BON…

RT @CrankyKaplan: AT BEACH BONFIRE JAMMING POCKET KNIFE INTO LEFT CALF AS HOT PREPPY MATRON, DRUNK ON MY GIN, WEEPS FOR HER YOUTH.

JUL
06
2010
REGRET TO INFORM CPL HASEK DEA…

REGRET TO INFORM CPL HASEK DEAD STOP BRAVE SOLDIER FRIEND TO MANY STOP SUCCUMBED TO MYSTERY ILLNESS AFTER DOWNING THREE BOTTLES OF SLIVOVITZ

JUN
26
2010
@TweetsofOld RECALL NEWSPAPER …

@TweetsofOld RECALL NEWSPAPER EDITOR WE PAID TO BEAT UP PACIFISTS IN THE GREAT WAR STOP SEEMS CLUBS CIRCUS GAVE AS PARTING GIFT WERE BIG HIT

JUN
26
2010
RT @TweetsofOld: Benito Mussol…

RT @TweetsofOld: Benito Mussolini has been bitten by the golf bug. IT1929

JUN
25
2010
@GenMcChrystal ZULU MOST BOTHE…

@GenMcChrystal ZULU MOST BOTHERSOME STOP SOME EVEN LEARNED TO USE RIFLES STOP IT SOUNDS LIKE IT UPSETS THE ELEPHANTS

JUN
25
2010
RT @GenMcChrystal: URGENT MESS…

RT @GenMcChrystal: URGENT MESSAGE TO PETRAEUS: Use the power of the vuvuzela. May the force be with you.

JUN
25
2010
RT @robdelaney: IF YOU SWIM IN…

RT @robdelaney: IF YOU SWIM IN A LAKE, YOU ARE GOING TO BE KILLED AND EATEN BY THE THING THAT LIVES IN THAT LAKE.

JUN
23
2010
SMALL ACCIDENT STOP FOREMAN SU…

SMALL ACCIDENT STOP FOREMAN SUFFERED BROKEN LEG STOP CAN’T FIND REST OF HIM

JUN
16
2010
@TweetsofOld TOLD YOU NOT TO M…

@TweetsofOld TOLD YOU NOT TO MARRY THAT BEAR YOU OLD CODGER STOP YOUR EYES GET WORSE EVERY YEAR

JUN
16
2010
RT @TweetsofOld: William Pangb…

RT @TweetsofOld: William Pangborn, 82 years of age, is charged with killing his wife. He claims that he did it while fighting a bear.ME1875

JUN
09
2010
MA’S FINE STOP PA’S FINE STOP …

MA’S FINE STOP PA’S FINE STOP BROTHER’S FINE STOP SISTER’S FINE NIECES AND NEPHEWS FINE STOP WE’RE ALL BEING FINED BY THE CITY FOR SQUATTING

JUN
08
2010
@TweetsofOld FIND THE JOKER WH…

@TweetsofOld FIND THE JOKER WHO TOOK OUT SAWBUCK ON LIGHTNING BOLT AND GIVE HIM HIS EARNINGS

JUN
08
2010
RT @TweetsofOld: More than 300…

RT @TweetsofOld: More than 300 persons were thrown to the ground by a lightning bolt while watching the horse races. UT1905

JUN
08
2010
TRY PROF FLETCHER’S CONDENSED …

TRY PROF FLETCHER’S CONDENSED TALLOW AND AXLE GREASE FOR TODAY’S ACTIVE LIFESTYLE STOP DAUB ON WAGON WHEELS AT DAWN AND BREAD AT DUSK

JUN
08
2010
PHILOSOPHIZING TELEGRAPHICALLY…

PHILOSOPHIZING TELEGRAPHICALLY ALWAYS DISCOURAGING STOP WITH EVERY SENTENCE WESTERN UNION BEGS YOU TO QUIT ASKING QUESTIONS

MAY
30
2010
ARRIVED AT CONEY ISLAND STOP S…

ARRIVED AT CONEY ISLAND STOP SHIPMATES ALL SAY THEY’RE GOING TO SEE THE ELEPHANT STOP SAW IT FROM THE DECK AND IT DOESN’T LOOK THAT SPECIAL

MAY
24
2010
@TweetsofOld REFUND REQUESTED …

@TweetsofOld REFUND REQUESTED IMMEDIATELY STOP MONKEY CAN’T FETCH OR DEFEND PROPERTY STOP ANYWAY TASTED AWFUL

MAY
24
2010
RT @TweetsofOld: Mike O’Shea t…

RT @TweetsofOld: Mike O’Shea traded his monkey for an alligator from Louisiana. CO1900

MAY
23
2010
MOTHER MISPLACED SPECTACLES ST…

MOTHER MISPLACED SPECTACLES STOP COME HOME FROM TOWN IMMEDIATELY STOP WE’LL BROOK NO DISSENT

MAY
19
2010
BP TANKER TORREY CANYON SINKS …

BP TANKER TORREY CANYON SINKS OFF CORNWALL STOP CARGO FLOATS STOP OIL SPILL MAY SINK BP

MAY
19
2010
RT @sixwordstories: Flat tire….

RT @sixwordstories: Flat tire. Flight missed. Air crash. —Pranay

MAY
02
2010
@ebertchicago POWWOW BROADCAST…

@ebertchicago POWWOW BROADCAST WAS SCHEDULED STOP NETWORK PREZ RENEGED ON TIMESLOT STOP CHOLERA COVERED M&MS AND FIREWATER IN GREEN ROOM

MAY
02
2010
FALSE ALARM AFTER BOMB FOUND I…

FALSE ALARM AFTER BOMB FOUND IN ROYAL CARRIAGE STOP POLICE SUSPECTED ANARCHISTS UNTIL QUEEN ADMITTED TO HEAVY BEAN AND CABBAGE FILLED LUNCH

MAY
02
2010
STRUCK OIL IN GULF NEAR FOURCH…

STRUCK OIL IN GULF NEAR FOURCHON STOP CARELESS SUPERVISOR DROPPED CIGARETTE IN WATER STOP CLAIMS REDISCOVERY OF GREEK FIRE

MAY
02
2010
@LUBAVITCH_REBBE RECEIVED YOUR…

@LUBAVITCH_REBBE RECEIVED YOUR AUTOGRAPHED COPY OF GUIDE FOR THE PERPLEXED STOP HAD NO IDEA ABOUT THE 7TH BOOK OF THE MISHNA ENTITLED “YAYO”

APR
30
2010
RT @CrankyKaplan: WE’LL GO ON …

RT @CrankyKaplan: WE’LL GO ON A TWISTER THAT’LL MAKE OMAR THE SOUSED PHILOSOPHER OF PERSIA LOOK LIKE AN ANEMIC ON A GOAT’S MILK DIET!

APR
29
2010
STAYED UP ALL NIGHT WITH STOMA…

STAYED UP ALL NIGHT WITH STOMACH FULL OF BUTTERFLIES STOP THEY TASTED AWFUL

APR
28
2010
HOMO SUM HUMANI NIHIL A ME ALI…

HOMO SUM HUMANI NIHIL A ME ALIENAM PUTO STOP EXCEPT THOSE ANIMALS WHO CANNOT UNDERSTAND LATIN

APR
28
2010
RUNAWAY INFLATION SEEMS INESCA…

RUNAWAY INFLATION SEEMS INESCAPABLE STOP SOMEDAY TELEGRAMS WILL CHARGE PER LETTER NOT PER WORD

APR
28
2010
@sixwordideas @sixwordstories …

@sixwordideas @sixwordstories THE WORD PARSIMONY IS HARDLY PARSIMONIOUS

APR
28
2010
@sixwordideas @sixwordstories …

@sixwordideas @sixwordstories DON’T BE SPARTAN WITH LACONIC WIT

APR
28
2010
@sixwordideas @sixwordstories …

@sixwordideas @sixwordstories YOU CAN’T HAVE TOO MUCH PITH

APR
27
2010
LOCAL SAVAGES BELIEVE THEY CAN…

LOCAL SAVAGES BELIEVE THEY CAN STAVE OFF FAMINE WITH HUMAN SACRIFICES STOP WOULD CORRECT THEM BUT VENUS IN RETROGRADE THIS WEEK

APR
26
2010
PASTOR PREACHED FEMININE IMMOD…

PASTOR PREACHED FEMININE IMMODESTY EARTHQUAKES STOP BEGS QUESTION WHY NO QUAKES IN AFRICA WHERE NATIVES PRANCE AROUND NUDE

APR
26
2010
THIS DAMNED COUNTY WON’T SELL …

THIS DAMNED COUNTY WON’T SELL BEER UNTIL NOON STOP WHAT DO THESE RUBES HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?

APR
23
2010
@TweetsofOld DEAR MOTHER STOP …

@TweetsofOld DEAR MOTHER STOP CRITTENDEN HAS DEVELOPED ACUTE LEAD POISONING STOP CAN’T HELP BUT FEEL PARTIALLY RESPONSIBLE STOP MISSED TWICE

APR
23
2010
RT @TweetsofOld: Shortly after…

RT @TweetsofOld: Shortly after Mrs. Fair emptied lead into Crittenden the other day, she telegraphed to her mother that she had shot him …

APR
23
2010
PAWNED GOLD WATCH STOP BOUGHT …

PAWNED GOLD WATCH STOP BOUGHT SUNDIAL INSTEAD STOP THESE NEW ELECTRIC LIGHTS KEEPING ME UP ALL NIGHT

APR
23
2010
CREDIT MOBILIER PLOT REVEALS O…

CREDIT MOBILIER PLOT REVEALS OLD HORSE THIEVES BECAME ROBBER BARONS THANKS TO INDUSTRIALIZATION STOP CAN’T LOOK GIFT TRAINS IN THE MOUTH

APR
23
2010
THESE RAILROAD STOCKS ARE GALL…

THESE RAILROAD STOCKS ARE GALLOPING ALONG AT A STEADY CLIP STOP WHAT WILL BECOME OF THE SIMPLE HORSE TRADER

APR
23
2010
CELLOPHANE STOCKS GO UP IN FLA…

CELLOPHANE STOCKS GO UP IN FLAMES AS PAPER COLLARS PROVEN FLEETING FASHION STOP CIGARS SAFE ONCE AGAIN AS TOBACCO FUTURES ROLL UPWARD

APR
23
2010
GETTING OUT OF COTTON FUTURES …

GETTING OUT OF COTTON FUTURES STOP BOLL WEEVILS & ABOLITIONISTS UNRELIABLE FACTORS STOP RATHER INVEST IN PROSTITUTION STOP UNYIELDING DEMAND

APR
20
2010
@LUBAVITCH_REBBE BEFORE LEAVIN…

@LUBAVITCH_REBBE BEFORE LEAVING FOR AMERICA YOU MET MY DAUGHTER STOP NEVER THOUGHT I’D MEET BIGGER MAMZER THAN YOU STOP NOW HE’S MY GRANDSON

APR
20
2010
SORRY I MISSED YOUR CALL STOP…

SORRY I MISSED YOUR CALL STOP DROPPED PHONE IN THE TOILET STOP THESE EXTRA-LONG CORDS DANGEROUS IN WRONG HANDS

APR
16
2010
RT @MRadclyffe: @telegramslost…

RT @MRadclyffe: @telegramslost @sixwordideas @sixwordstories Any six word stories starting ‘For sale: baby shoes’ should automatically b …

APR
16
2010
@MRadclyffe @sixwordideas @six…

@MRadclyffe @sixwordideas @sixwordstories CAN WE AGREE HEMINGWAY WRITES TELEGRAPHICALLY

APR
12
2010
RT @TweetsofOld: An Ohio man j…

RT @TweetsofOld: An Ohio man just dead has made a cast-iron will. Will slighted heirs claim that the document was forged? MI1883

APR
10
2010
@TweetsofOld HOST OF ROACHES M…

@TweetsofOld HOST OF ROACHES MOVED IN STOP REFUSE TO BE ROUTED STOP NEW RENTER NOT AS TOUGH STOP PROMPTLY ROUSTED

APR
10
2010
RT @TweetsofOld: At the old ba…

RT @TweetsofOld: At the old bachelor’s house were observed innumerable and very large cock roaches, one of which filled a thread box. IA1898

APR
09
2010
SAW PROFESSOR FLETCHER’S MEDIC…

SAW PROFESSOR FLETCHER’S MEDICINE SHOW UP NORTH STOP CAME DOWN WITH 6 PREVIOUSLY UNDIAGNOSED ILLNESSES & GALLON JAR OF ALL-PURPOSE OINTMENT

APR
09
2010
@sixwordideas @sixwordstories …

@sixwordideas @sixwordstories FOR SALE BABY SHOES LIGHTLY CHEWED

APR
05
2010
@sixwordideas @sixwordstories …

@sixwordideas @sixwordstories ESCHEW OBFUSCATION STOP DELIBERATE VERBIAGE ECONOMICALLY

APR
05
2010
@sixwordideas @sixwordstories …

@sixwordideas @sixwordstories BREVITY PARAMOUNT STOP KNOW WORDS’ VALUE

APR
03
2010
BOMB KILLS 1 IN UNION SQUARE S…

BOMB KILLS 1 IN UNION SQUARE STOP ANARCHIST BOMBER ON POINT OF HURLING IT LOST HIS STOMACH AS WENT OFF IN HANDS STOP GUTS NOW PAINTING KERB

APR
02
2010
PERFIDY STOP WENT DRINKING ON …

PERFIDY STOP WENT DRINKING ON THE BOWERY LAST EVE WITH A SHINY NICKEL STOP FROM PROSPERITY TO PAUPERDOM IN LESS THAN 3 DRINKS STOP SEND CASH

MAR
25
2010
DI DI DA DIT DI DI DAW DA DI D…

DI DI DA DIT DI DI DAW DA DI DA DIT DA DI DAW DI DIT DA DIT DA DA DIT DA DI DA DIT DIT DA DIT DI DI DIT DA DA DAW DI DA DIT DI DI DIT

MAR
21
2010
LIFE IN THE BIG CITY MOST EXCI…

LIFE IN THE BIG CITY MOST EXCITING STOP WAS BEATEN & ROBBED TWICE STOP BY MOST FASCINATING CHARACTERS NOT LIKE SAME OLD DRUNKS BACK HOME

MAR
21
2010
ARRIVED IN BIG CITY A WEEK AGO…

ARRIVED IN BIG CITY A WEEK AGO STOP SIGHTS SOUNDS SMELLS RECALL SUMMERS AT OUR QUAINT SWIMMING HOLE JUST DOWNSTREAM FROM THE SLAUGHTERHOUSES

MAR
16
2010
@thecarljung DREAMT WRITTEN WO…

@thecarljung DREAMT WRITTEN WORD WAS REPLACED BY TELEGRAPH KEYS IN EVERY HOME STOP SPEECH REPLACED WITH CACOPHONOUS CLACKING EVERYWHERE

MAR
15
2010
@megancarpentier WHEN THE LIGH…

@megancarpentier WHEN THE LIGHTS ARE OFF ALL CONGRESSMEN ARE PERVERTS ANYWAY

MAR
15
2010
RT @megancarpentier: Congressm…

RT @megancarpentier: Congressman SHOULD be held to a higher standard than perverts.

MAR
11
2010
REGRET TO INFORM YOUR SON PVT …

REGRET TO INFORM YOUR SON PVT JOHN DOE DEAD STOP POSTHUMOUSLY PROMOTED FOR BRAVERY STOP HAD HE LIVED WOULD’VE HAD TO HANG HIM FOR COWARDICE

MAR
10
2010
DREADFUL MEAL AT MORTON’S STOP…

DREADFUL MEAL AT MORTON’S STOP TWO FILTHY IMMIGRANT LADIES LAUGHED AT ME ALL THROUGH LUNCH STOP SHANT HAVE THEIR FRIED WHOLE OX AU JUS AGAIN

MAR
09
2010
PROFESSOR FLETCHER’S ALL-PURPO…

PROFESSOR FLETCHER’S ALL-PURPOSE MEDICATED WHISKEY AND DENTRIFICE STOP GOOD FOR WHAT AILS YOU MORNING NOON AND NIGHT

MAR
09
2010
BISMARCK’S PET EMPEROR WILHELM…

BISMARCK’S PET EMPEROR WILHELM SUCCUMBS TO ANARCHIST’S BULLET STOP CAN THE ROYALISTS SAVE THE EMPIRE FROM BEING EXPOSED AS A REPUBLIC?

MAR
09
2010
COAL DUST EXPLOSION AT COURRIE…

COAL DUST EXPLOSION AT COURRIERES STOP THOUSANDS FEARED DEAD STOP FRANCE MAY HAVE TO KEEP WARM BY BURNING CORPSES THIS WINTER

MAR
09
2010
COAL MINE DISASTER STOP HUNDRE…

COAL MINE DISASTER STOP HUNDREDS PRESUMED DEAD IN COLLAPSE STOP COMPANY STOCK MAY WELL BE BURIED WITH THEM

MAR
09
2010
SOME FOOL NAMED BELL CLAIMS PA…

SOME FOOL NAMED BELL CLAIMS PATENT ON LOVERS TELEGRAPH STOP WHO WANTS TO HEAR NAGGING BY VOICE WHEN TELEGRAMS ARE SO MUCH EASIER ON THE EAR?

MAR
02
2010
R.B. HAYES WRESTS PRESIDENCY F…

R.B. HAYES WRESTS PRESIDENCY FROM TILDEN STOP A FREE ELECTION FAIRLY SOLD TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER

MAR
02
2010
PROFESSOR FLETCHER’S SEALING W…

PROFESSOR FLETCHER’S SEALING WAX AND LINT REMOVER STOP THE FIRST INDUSTRIAL OFFICE SUPPLIES THAT BECOME MORE USEFUL WHEN USED ACCIDENTALLY

MAR
02
2010
PROFESSOR FLETCHER’S ALL-PURPO…

PROFESSOR FLETCHER’S ALL-PURPOSE LUBRICANT AND FERTILIZER STOP YOUR SQUEAKY WHEELS GET THE GREASE STOP YOUR BARREN FIELDS YIELDS’ INCREASE

MAR
01
2010
@sixwordideas @FredNitti REMEM…

@sixwordideas @FredNitti REMEMBER ALWAYS GET PAID CASH UPFRONT

MAR
01
2010
RT @FredNitti: @sixwordideas L…

RT @FredNitti: @sixwordideas LOVE LIFE, EMBRACE WISDOM, UTILIZE KNOWLEDGE…

MAR
01
2010
ADVISE SUSPENDING BATTLEFIELD …

ADVISE SUSPENDING BATTLEFIELD PROMOTIONS STOP DIRE SHORTAGES STOP SOLDIERS MELTING DOWN THEIR MEDALS FOR AMMUNITION

FEB
26
2010
MY FAVORITE PART OF ANY SNOWST…

MY FAVORITE PART OF ANY SNOWSTORM IS KNOWING THE BODIES WON’T BE DISCOVERED UNTIL SPRING THAW

FEB
23
2010
@megancarpentier WHEN I HEAR T…

@megancarpentier WHEN I HEAR THE NAME STIGLITZ I THINK ALFRED STOP TO BE FAIR WHEN I HEAR THE NAME TARANTINO I THINK OF ST. VITUS’ DANCE

FEB
15
2010
HAVE DISCOVERED PROVEN METHOD …

HAVE DISCOVERED PROVEN METHOD FOR SELLING ICEBOXES TO THE ESKIMOS STOP TOLD THEM IT’S WARMER INSIDE THAN OUT

FEB
12
2010
THESE SO-CALLED AUTOMOBILES WI…

THESE SO-CALLED AUTOMOBILES WILL BE THE DEATH OF US ALL STOP ONE NEARLY CLIPPED GRANDMA YESTERDAY STOP SHE WAS BARELY ABLE TO OUTRUN IT

FEB
12
2010
DESPAIRING STOP EVERYTHING UND…

DESPAIRING STOP EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN HAS BEEN DONE STOP ALL THE SONGS HAVE BEEN SUNG STOP ALL THE THINGS HAVE BEEN THUNG ALREADY

FEB
11
2010
DINED AT MORTON’S STOP DON’T E…

DINED AT MORTON’S STOP DON’T EVEN LIKE STEAK BUT I’D SELL MY CHILDREN FOR ANOTHER PLATE STOP MY KIDS TASTE AWFUL

FEB
11
2010
PROFESSOR FLETCHER’S BATHTUB G…

PROFESSOR FLETCHER’S BATHTUB GIN DID A NUMBER ON ME LAST NIGHT STOP ARRESTING OFFICER ESTIMATED BETWEEN FIVE AND TEN

FEB
08
2010
GOV’T ORDERS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS …

GOV’T ORDERS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS REINSTATED STOP ENERGY SAVINGS PART OF WAR EFFORT STOP NOW WE HAVE EXTRA HOUR TO ENJOY WAR SHORTAGES

FEB
08
2010
FORD ORDERS RECALL OF ALL 1910…

FORD ORDERS RECALL OF ALL 1910 MODEL T CARS STOP SEEMS HENRY SUSPECTS DESIGNERS FARKAS AND GALAMB ARE SHEENIES NOT BOHUNKS

FEB
04
2010
REGRET TO INFORM LT DALE KILLE…

REGRET TO INFORM LT DALE KILLED IN ACTION STOP WENT AWOL WITH OUR CIGARETTE RATIONS STOP CAUSE WILL BE FRIENDLY FIRE SOON AS WE CAN FIND HIM

FEB
03
2010
CONGRESS RATIFIES INCOME TAX A…

CONGRESS RATIFIES INCOME TAX AMENDMENT STOP AMERICA DOOMED TO PERPETUAL PAUPERDOM STOP 2% OUTRAGEOUS STOP IMAGINE 4% OR GOD FORBID 5%

FEB
03
2010
VALENS HOLLY BIG BOPPER KILLED…

VALENS HOLLY BIG BOPPER KILLED IN PLANE CRASH STOP FINALLY OUR LONG NATIONAL ROCK & ROLL NIGHTMARE OVER STOP KIDS CAN GO BACK TO RAGTIME

FEB
02
2010
POLK BUYS MANIFEST DESTINY FRO…

POLK BUYS MANIFEST DESTINY FROM MEXICANS STOP ONLY $15 MILLION AND 14,000 CASUALTIES STOP AT THIS RATE THE REST WILL ONLY COST $60 MILLION

FEB
02
2010
PUNXSUTAWNEY RODENT REVELATION…

PUNXSUTAWNEY RODENT REVELATION FORESHADOWS SIX MORE WINTER WEEKS STOP DID WE HEDGE OUR BETS ON THIS HOG?

FEB
02
2010
YOUR EMINENCE STOP ARRIVED IN …

YOUR EMINENCE STOP ARRIVED IN NEW PARISH TODAY STOP VENI VIDI VENIAL AND MORTAL SIN

JAN
05
2010
HEIRESS DIES MYSTERIOUSLY STOP…

HEIRESS DIES MYSTERIOUSLY STOP FAMILY FORTUNE UNSURPRISINGLY REMAINS SAFE FROM UNSAVORY FIANCEE STOP WHEN THEY ASK FOR PRENUP JUST AGREE

DEC
13
2009
@SeanCrespo REMINDS ME OF WHEN…

@SeanCrespo REMINDS ME OF WHEN I RAN FOR PRESIDENT STOP WHEN ASKED ABOUT OPPONENT’S BEST PLATFORM POINT SAID HIS MOTHER WAS A COMPLETE WHORE

DEC
12
2009
KOLLAA HILL UNCAPTUREABLE STOP…

KOLLAA HILL UNCAPTUREABLE STOP WE ALWAYS THOUGHT TROLLS WEREN’T REAL STOP IT SEEMS THEY ARE ALSO CRACK SHOTS

DEC
12
2009
WHITE DEATH STALKS RED ARMY ST…

WHITE DEATH STALKS RED ARMY STOP 500 DEAD BY ONE FARMBOY’S RIFLE STOP THEY SAY HE SMELLS THE VODKA ON THEIR BREATH FROM KILOMETERS AWAY

DEC
12
2009
HAPPY CHRISTMAS OLD MAN STOP S…

HAPPY CHRISTMAS OLD MAN STOP SENT YOU XMAS CHEQUE MONDAY STOP NO DOUBT THIS REACHES YOU GOOD AND SLOSHED

NOV
25
2009
@Vincent_vanGogh YOU CANNOT WI…

@Vincent_vanGogh YOU CANNOT WIN ME BACK WITH YOUR ODD GIFTS STOP BESIDES WHICH YOU KNOW I AM A VEGETARIAN STOP FED IT TO THE LANDLADY’S DOG

NOV
25
2009
RT @Vincent_vanGogh: I hope I …

RT @Vincent_vanGogh: I hope I have just had simply an artist’s fit, and then a lot of fever after very considerable loss of blood, as an …

NOV
25
2009
HAPPY THANKSGIVING STOP ALL WI…

HAPPY THANKSGIVING STOP ALL WISH YOU WERE HERE STOP LITTLE BILLY SAYS THIS YEAR HE’S THANKFUL FOR ALL THE SCALPS YOU’RE COLLECTING OUT WEST

NOV
25
2009
SENDING A HALF A PENNY FOR THE…

SENDING A HALF A PENNY FOR THE FINEST SACKCLOTH MY DARLING

NOV
25
2009
CANNOT SEND CASH STOP YOU DON’…

CANNOT SEND CASH STOP YOU DON’T NEED NEW DRESS STOP FASHION’S FOR THE UGLY STOP PRETTY GIRL LIKE YOU CAN WEAR SACK AND STILL CATCH HUSBAND

NOV
25
2009
STORE GEARING UP FOR BLACK FRI…

STORE GEARING UP FOR BLACK FRIDAY STOP MAYBE WE CAN SELL ALL THE STUFF LEFT OVER FROM BLACK TUESDAY WEDNESDAY AND THURSDAY

NOV
25
2009
THE PRESIDENT’S GOOSE SEEMS CO…

THE PRESIDENT’S GOOSE SEEMS COOKED STOP HOW CAN WE HAVE HIGH UNEMPLOYMENT AND SOCIALISM STOP THOUGHT FDR HAD A NEW DEAL

NOV
25
2009
MOTHER STOP FATHER STOP ELOPED…

MOTHER STOP FATHER STOP ELOPED WITH CHIEF NEW MOON STOP HAPPY THANKSGIVING YOU WHITE DEVIL TURKEYS

NOV
18
2009
CHRISTMAS HAS BECOME SO COMMER…

CHRISTMAS HAS BECOME SO COMMERCIAL AND RELIGIOUS STOP RECALL THE GREAT RIOTS OF XMASES PAST LIKE 1838 STOP MORE SATURNALIA THAN ST. NICK

NOV
10
2009
ANNOUNCING COAST-TO-COAST DIRE…

ANNOUNCING COAST-TO-COAST DIRECT DIALING SERVICE FROM THE PHONE COMPANY STOP RUN IN AND TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS

NOV
10
2009
NOVEMBER 11TH 1918 THEY ARE CA…

NOVEMBER 11TH 1918 THEY ARE CALLING THE RUGBY MATCH ABROAD STOP HOSTILITIES TO CEASE STOP LINGERING RESENTMENTS TO REMAIN STEADY

NOV
10
2009
MORGAN FINDS LIVINGSTONE ENSCO…

MORGAN FINDS LIVINGSTONE ENSCONCED DEEP IN DARK CONTINENT STOP HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO FIND THE ONLY OTHER WHITE FACE IN THE WHOLE JUNGLE?

NOV
10
2009
YOU THINK YOU’RE SO SMART STOP…

YOU THINK YOU’RE SO SMART STOP IT REALLY IS COMING OUT OF YOUR SHARE STOP ALSO THE COPS ARE LOOKING FOR YOU STOP YOU JERK

NOV
10
2009
SORRY YOUR CODE’S CONFUSING ST…

SORRY YOUR CODE’S CONFUSING STOP THIS MESSAGE NOT IN CODE REPEAT NOT IN CODE STOP PARANOIA COSTS TELEGRAM FEES STOP COMING OUT OF YOUR SHARE

NOV
10
2009
DOES REPEAT MEAN THE OPPOSITE …

DOES REPEAT MEAN THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU JUST SAID? STOP THE COAST IS CLEAR AGAIN CLEAR STOP NO ONE CAME LOOKING FOR YOU OR THE PAINTINGS

NOV
10
2009
THE COAST IS CLEAR REPEAT CLEA…

THE COAST IS CLEAR REPEAT CLEAR STOP NO ONE CAME LOOKING FOR YOU OR THE PAINTINGS AT ALL

OCT
26
2009
FLETCHER’S INJUN-PROOF COVERED…

FLETCHER’S INJUN-PROOF COVERED WAGONS STOP FINE WORKMANSHIP IS WATERTIGHT AND REDSKIN RESISTANT STOP WARRANTY NOT VALID WEST OF MISSISSIPPI

OCT
26
2009
THEM REDSKINS CAN’T HOLD THOSE…

THEM REDSKINS CAN’T HOLD THOSE UNASSIGNED LANDS ALL TO THEMSELVES STOP LET’S SETTLE OKLAHOMA SOONER RATHER THAN LATER

OCT
26
2009
NO REPORT FROM SCOUTING PARTY …

NO REPORT FROM SCOUTING PARTY STOP FOUND ARMY UNIFORMS AND WEAPONS BY RIVER BANK STOP THEY’VE EITHER DROWNED OR GONE OVER TO THE REDSKINS

OCT
26
2009
SURROUNDED BY REDSKINS HERE ST…

SURROUNDED BY REDSKINS HERE STOP SEND RIFLES WHISKEY AND REAMS OF YOUR FINEST TREATY PARCHMENT STOP WE’LL ROUST THEM FROM THIS COUNTY YET

OCT
22
2009
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON STOP THIS Y…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON STOP THIS YEAR INSTEAD OF PRESENTS WE’RE JUST TELLING ALL THE KIDS THEY’RE ADOPTED STOP SOME DAY YOU’LL UNDERSTAND

OCT
22
2009
TO THE PEOPLE OF ARGENTINA STO…

TO THE PEOPLE OF ARGENTINA STOP CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW TELEGRAPH CABLE STOP HAVE BEEN GRANTED PATENT STOP ROYALTIES DUE STOP T. EDISON

OCT
22
2009
HOUDINI SOCKED IN STOMACH BY A…

HOUDINI SOCKED IN STOMACH BY ANATOMY STUDENT AT MCGILL’S STRATHCONA HALL DURING ART CLASS STOP SOMEDAY THEY’LL LET THAT KID USE A SCALPEL

OCT
22
2009
BANK RUN ON KNICKERBOCKER TRUS…

BANK RUN ON KNICKERBOCKER TRUST TODAY THREATENS COLLAPSE OF WALL ST STOP LET’S ENSURE LAST CENTURY’S MISTAKES SHAN’T BE REPEATED IN 1907

OCT
22
2009
CHRIST RETURNS TO EARTH TODAY …

CHRIST RETURNS TO EARTH TODAY STOP DATE CALCULATED BY REVEREND MILLER WITH PERFECT FAITH STOP REPEATED BY DESPERATE BOOKIES WITH GLEE

OCT
22
2009
GOOD NEWS FROM THE FRONT STOP …

GOOD NEWS FROM THE FRONT STOP HILL 235 RETAKEN STOP BAD NEWS STOP HILL NOW 35 MILES BEHIND ENEMY LINES

OCT
22
2009
YOUR CHILD HAS EITHER DEVELOPE…

YOUR CHILD HAS EITHER DEVELOPED GLANDULAR CONDITION OR BECOME ADEPT AT HOARDING FOOD STOP HIS FELLOW INMATES HAVE DUBBED HIM BALLOON BOY

AUG
10
2009
DARLING THIS LONG DEPLOYMENT I…

DARLING THIS LONG DEPLOYMENT IS TERRIBLY DULL STOP HOW IS THE DOG STOP FOR THAT MATTER HOW ARE OUR CHILDREN

AUG
10
2009
I FEAR THE TELEGRAPH WILL PLUN…

I FEAR THE TELEGRAPH WILL PLUNGE THIS GREAT NATION INTO TOTAL ILLITERACY BY 1900 STOP ENGLISH WILL BE SURVIVED ONLY BY DITS AND DAWS

AUG
10
2009
SURVIVED GREAT PERFIDY AT SEA …

SURVIVED GREAT PERFIDY AT SEA STOP BANDITS MADE OFF WITH OUR RUM SUPPLIES AT LAST PORT CALL STOP CREW HAS MUTINIED EVERY DAY SINCE

JUL
20
2009
MANY THANKS FOR SPLENDID ROCKE…

MANY THANKS FOR SPLENDID ROCKET SET STOP YOUR NEPHEW IS OVER THE MOON FOR IT STOP MY NEW WIFE WISHES HIM TO STAY THERE WITH THE DAMNED THING

JUL
20
2009
PLEASE REFUND LAST ORDER STOP …

PLEASE REFUND LAST ORDER STOP 200 BOTTLES MOONSHINE MISLABELED CLEANING FLUID STOP ENTIRE JANITORIAL STAFF HOSPITALIZED

JUL
20
2009
MUST REPORT I WAS FIRED FROM D…

MUST REPORT I WAS FIRED FROM DITCH DIGGING JOB STOP THEY CAUGHT ME MOONLIGHTING AS A DITCH FILLER DURING LUNCH BREAK

JUN
20
2009
@linajk BEEN 3 WEEKS STOP WITH…

@linajk BEEN 3 WEEKS STOP WITHOUT RECOMPENSE WILL RETURN UNSOLD PRODUCE BY AIR STOP I’LL RENT BARNBURNER AND DROP THEM OFF ON YOUR HOUSE

JUN
20
2009
RT @linajk APPLE REFUND IMPOSS…

RT @linajk APPLE REFUND IMPOSSIBLE STOP THE EARLY BIRDS WILL EAT EAT THE WORMS STOP SUGGEST YOU CHARGE THEM STOP ENJOY YOUR APPLES

JUN
17
2009
RECEIVED THIRTY BUSHELS OF APP…

RECEIVED THIRTY BUSHELS OF APPLES STOP UPON CLOSER INSPECTION DISCOVERED ABOUT THREE BUSHELS OF WORMS STOP PLEASE REFUND DIFFERENCE

JUN
17
2009
YOUR BASTARD SON KNOCKED UP MY…

YOUR BASTARD SON KNOCKED UP MY PRECIOUS ANGEL AND REFUSES TO MARRY NOW YOU KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE NOT TO HAVE THE APPLE FALL FAR FROM THE TREE

JUN
17
2009
TEHRAN BUREAU REPORTS SHAH’S G…

TEHRAN BUREAU REPORTS SHAH’S GRASP ON OIL FIELDS SHAKY STOP CIRCUS SUGGESTS AFFIRMING HIS GRIP WITH KID GLOVES AND A FEW STRAIGHT RAZORS

JUN
11
2009
CONGRATULATIONS ON NEW ASSIGNM…

CONGRATULATIONS ON NEW ASSIGNMENT STOP HEAR SIBERIA IS LOVELY THIS TIME OF YEAR STOP AND JUST THINK- TOMORROW WILL BE SPRING!

JUN
11
2009
@kevin_nealon ASK ABOUT THE EC…

@kevin_nealon ASK ABOUT THE ECONOMY STOP OUR NATION WIPED OUT BY WALL STREET THIEVES GOULD & FISK STOP WHAT’LL THAT DRUNK GRANT DO ANYWAY?

JUN
11
2009
ARRIVED AT FINAL DESTINATION L…

ARRIVED AT FINAL DESTINATION LATE LAST NIGHT STOP MORNING FINDS CITY TEEMING WITH LIFE STOP ALSO HOTEL ROOM

JUN
11
2009
@linajk YOU SAY I SWALLOWED SO…

@linajk YOU SAY I SWALLOWED SOME DIAMOND STOP IT’S BEEN OVER TWO DAYS STOP FEEL FREE TO RUMMAGE THROUGH MY EFFECTS

JUN
11
2009
RT @linajk@telegramslost CLIEN…

RT @linajk@telegramslost CLIENT NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR GALLSTONE STOP HE IS HOLDING OUT FOR THE DIAMOND YOU SWALLOWED

JUN
10
2009
PLEASE TELL YOUR CLIENT I HAVE…

PLEASE TELL YOUR CLIENT I HAVE FOUND A BRILLIANT STONE FOR HIM AT THE PRICE HE QUOTED STOP IT WAS REMOVED FROM ME THIS MORNING

JUN
10
2009
RECEIVED DEFECTIVE ORDER FROM …

RECEIVED DEFECTIVE ORDER FROM SUPPLIER STOP HE ASSURED ME IT’S ALL WOOL AND A YARD WIDE STOP ORDER WAS FOR A BOLT OF MOLESKIN

JUN
10
2009
YOUR BOY IS SIMPLY OUT OF CONT…

YOUR BOY IS SIMPLY OUT OF CONTROL STOP RELEASED HIM FROM OUR REFORMATORY SIX MONTHS EARLY STOP LAST SEEN IN WOODS WITH CORPSE OF INSTRUCTOR

JUN
07
2009
@linajk IF IT’S OFFICE SUPPLY …

@linajk IF IT’S OFFICE SUPPLY WAR YOU WANT YOU HAVE IT STOP YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A PAPER TIGER STOP WE’VE GOT THE CORRECTION FLUID BOMB

JUN
07
2009
SENT TO INVESTIGATE RUMORS CHI…

SENT TO INVESTIGATE RUMORS CHINESE WILL LAUNCH ROCKETS SOON STOP WENT TO CHINATOWN IN FEBRUARY STOP LAUNCH VERIFIED

JUN
06
2009
PLEASE UPDATE LAST ORDER STOP …

PLEASE UPDATE LAST ORDER STOP BOX OF PENS REAM OF PAPER ONE JAR SEALING WAX STOP EXPECT HANDWRITTEN CRITICISM OF YOUR OFFICE SUPPLIES

JUN
06
2009
WEALTHY LONER LEAVES TITANIC W…

WEALTHY LONER LEAVES TITANIC WEALTH TO BELOVED PRIZE STALLION STOP HANDLERS SWEAR HORSE CAN SPEAK STOP STABLE BOY CAUGHT FORGING HOOFPRINTS

JUN
06
2009
LUXURIOUS AND UNSINKABLE HMS T…

LUXURIOUS AND UNSINKABLE HMS TITANIC REPORTED MERELY LUXURIOUS SOMEWHERE IN NORTH ATLANTIC

JUN
04
2009
PROFESSOR FLETCHER AND I TO WE…

PROFESSOR FLETCHER AND I TO WED STOP SAYS HE IS A MAGICIAN STOP OUR RENT APPEARS EVERY MONTH BUT I AM FORBIDDEN TO ASK HOW TRICK IS DONE

JUN
03
2009
SHACKLETON BRAVES UNIMAGINABLE…

SHACKLETON BRAVES UNIMAGINABLE CONDITIONS IN ANTARCTIC EXPEDITION STOP NOT A SINGLE MAN LOST STOP NOR SINGLE FLAG PLANTED STOP LAYABOUTS

JUN
03
2009
CARAVAN ATTACKED BY INDIAN BRA…

CARAVAN ATTACKED BY INDIAN BRAVES STOP THEY HAD MUSKETS THIS TIME STOP WE MUST ENSURE THEY NEVER GET HOLD OF LAWYERS

JUN
03
2009
MOB OF ANGRY PROTESTERS CALL O…

MOB OF ANGRY PROTESTERS CALL ON GOV TO STAY EXECUTION STOP DEMANDING BETTER VIEW OF SCAFFOLD AND PORTABLE TOILETS

JUN
03
2009
@linajk SUPPOSE THE WIRE LEADI…

@linajk SUPPOSE THE WIRE LEADING BEHIND THE DRAPES AND CLICKING NOISE FROM TELEGRAPH KEY GAVE YOUR POSITION AWAY

JUN
03
2009
CAN’T SAY I’M WILD ABOUT THE N…

CAN’T SAY I’M WILD ABOUT THE NEW DRAPES STOP HAVE DECIDED TO MOVE TO ANOTHER TOWN AND GET REMARRIED EFFECTIVE LAST WEEK STOP

JUN
02
2009
GOOD NEWS STOP BUSINESS BOOMIN…

GOOD NEWS STOP BUSINESS BOOMING STOP CUSTOMER BASE EXPLODING STOP BAD NEWS STOP OUR STORE IS LITERALLY BOOMING AND EXPLODING STOP SEND HELP

JUN
02
2009
ENGLISH KING ABDICATES ABDUCTI…

ENGLISH KING ABDICATES ABDUCTING AMERICAN DIVORCEE WITH HIM STOP THEY HAVE LEFT PALACE AND ARE TAKING TO THE AIR FRANCE NEXT STOP

MAY
27
2009
BLACK BART SIGHTED IN DENVER S…

BLACK BART SIGHTED IN DENVER STOP SEND HORSES GUNS AND PETTICOATS STOP THAT WAY WE GOT SOMETHING TO HIDE BEHIND IF HORSES & GUNS DON’T WORK

MAY
27
2009
@VildeChaya RECEIVED REQUEST F…

@VildeChaya RECEIVED REQUEST FOR GINGERBREAD COOKIE FUNDS STOP IF IT’S MOLASSES FLOODING STREETS AT LEAST THERE’S NO RUSH

MAY
27
2009
SO YOU THINK YOU CAN STEAL MY …

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN STEAL MY POSITION AS CHIEF SURGEON STOP I’VE GOT THE LAST LAUGH STOP I LICKED EVERYTHING IN THE HOSPITAL BEFORE I LEFT

MAY
27
2009
GOLD NUGGETS FOUND AT SUTTER’S…

GOLD NUGGETS FOUND AT SUTTER’S MILL STOP WON’T BE LONG BEFORE THEY FIND SUTTER NUGGETS JUDGING FROM ALL THE HYSTERIA RUNNING THROUGH TOWN

MAY
27
2009
@linajk JUST BECAUSE YOU DIP T…

@linajk JUST BECAUSE YOU DIP TAPEWORM IN CHLOROFORM DOESN’T GRANT YOU PATENT FOR DUCT TAPE STOP CALLING MY LAWYER SOON AS HE’S DONE SUING ME

MAY
27
2009
SUFFER NO MORE FROM BROKEN BON…

SUFFER NO MORE FROM BROKEN BONES STOP DR FLETCHER’S SKELETAL FORTIFIER CURES FRACTURES STOP IMMOBILIZES YOU LONG ENOUGH TO HEAL ANY WOUND

MAY
27
2009
@VildeChaya WHAT FURTHER INSUL…

@VildeChaya WHAT FURTHER INSULTS TO CHASTITY WILL SCIENCE MAKE POSSIBLE STOP SOON THEY’LL FIND WAY TO SEND UNTOWARD DRAWINGS BY WIRE

MAY
23
2009
@linajk SENATE BROUHAHA RESUME…

@linajk SENATE BROUHAHA RESUMES AS ARGUMENT BREAKS OUT OVER BEST WAY TO SCREW CONSTITUENTS STOP ERUPTS INTO VIOLENCE STOP NO DISTRICT SPARED

MAY
22
2009
SENATOR SUMNER DECRIES VIOLENC…

SENATOR SUMNER DECRIES VIOLENCE IN BLEEDING KANSAS THREE DAYS AGO STOP TODAY SUMNER CRIES VIOLENCE FROM BLEEDING SENATE

MAY
22
2009
BROOKS FLOGS SUMNER ON SENATE …

BROOKS FLOGS SUMNER ON SENATE FLOOR WITH WOODEN CANE STOP 1ST RECORDED USE IN SESSION STOP IT BEATS THE FILIBUSTER STOP WITH A STICK

MAY
22
2009
BROUHAHA IN SENATE STOP THE DI…

BROUHAHA IN SENATE STOP THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN FROM SC BROADLY BEAT SENATOR SUMNER WITH HIS CANE STOP LEFT DISTINGUISHING MARKS

MAY
21
2009
@linajk THEY MUST THINK ROBERT…

@linajk THEY MUST THINK ROBERT MOSES CAN DO ANYTHING STOP WHO’S NOAH?

MAY
20
2009
TORNADO DESTROYED STORE STOP J…

TORNADO DESTROYED STORE STOP JUST TOOK OUT LARGE FIRE INSURANCE POLICY STOP WAS ACROSS TOWN BUYING GASOLINE AND MATCHES WHEN STORM HIT

MAY
20
2009
FLOOD WATERS THREATEN LEVYS ST…

FLOOD WATERS THREATEN LEVYS STOP ALSO ALSO THE HOMES OF THEIR GOD-FEARING CHRISTIAN NEIGHBORS

MAY
19
2009
@hodgman DON’T WHAT? STOP…

@hodgman DON’T WHAT? STOP

MAY
19
2009
@critterblogs HEARD YOU HAVE A…

@critterblogs HEARD YOU HAVE A SECRET INGREDIENT FOR NEW ELIXIR STOP TELL THOSE NATIVES WE’LL BUY THE WHOLE CROP STOP LET’S CLEAN THEM OUT

MAY
19
2009
RT @critterblogs NATIVES GAVE …

RT @critterblogs NATIVES GAVE ME TONIC OF PALM LEAF STOP WITH FRONDS LIKE THESE WHO NEEDS ENEMAS STOP

MAY
18
2009
BIRTHDAY SALUTE TO PRESIDENT K…

BIRTHDAY SALUTE TO PRESIDENT KENNEDY TONIGHT STOP NO-SHOW ETHEL MERMAN WAS TO SING “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” STOP MIGHT AS WELL CANCEL WHOLE EVENT

MAY
18
2009
WILDE FREED QUESTION REMAINS S…

WILDE FREED QUESTION REMAINS STOP WHY DOESN’T THE CROWN PROSECUTE EVERY BOY AT PUBLIC OR PRIVATE SCHOOL AND HALF THE MEN IN THE UNIVERSITIES

MAY
18
2009
OSCAR WILDE RELEASED FROM READ…

OSCAR WILDE RELEASED FROM READING GAOL STOP THE CROWN MAY NOW BE CERTAIN HIS HOMOSEXUAL PROCLIVITIES HAVE BEEN DULY CURED IN PRISON

MAY
18
2009
BATTLE OF SPOTSYLVANIA COURTHO…

BATTLE OF SPOTSYLVANIA COURTHOUSE OVER STOP VICTOR UNCLEAR BETWEEN GRANT AND LEE STOP GAINS CERTAIN TO BE OVERTURNED ON APPEAL

MAY
18
2009
MEXICO CEDES LANDS NORTH OF RI…

MEXICO CEDES LANDS NORTH OF RIO GRANDE STOP EXCHANGED DEBT FOR HOSTILITIES WITH US STOP TRADED WHAT THEY DON’T WANT FOR WHAT THEY CAN’T GIVE

MAY
18
2009
WE REGRET TO INFORM STOP YOUR …

WE REGRET TO INFORM STOP YOUR SON PVT. JOHN DOE KILLED STOP FOUGHT ENEMY BRAVELY DURING ACTION STOP FOUGHT SYPHILIS BRAVELY DURING FURLOUGH

MAY
16
2009
RT @TheTweetWriter POTS, MARGE…

RT @TheTweetWriter POTS, MARGE LETS NORAH SEE SHARON’S TELEGRAM STOP

MAY
16
2009
@linajk DOMINOES MUST REFUND C…

@linajk DOMINOES MUST REFUND CREDIT CARD CHARGE STOP DELIVERY BOY BARELY LASTED 30 MINUTES STOP HIS INCOHERENT RAMBLINGS COULD SAVE THIS WAR

MAY
16
2009
@linajk WE GIVE HALF TO THE WI…

@linajk WE GIVE HALF TO THE WIFE AND YOU RUN OFF WITH THE MISTRESS NOTHING STAYS IN VEGAS STOP CUT ME OUT AT OWN PERIL STOP SHARE OR ELSE

MAY
15
2009
"SHOOT FIRST ASK QUESTION…

“SHOOT FIRST ASK QUESTIONS LATER” POLICY UNDER FIRE FROM OFFICER CORPS STOP FRESH RECRUITS KEEP ASKING WHICH WAY TO POINT THEIR GUNS

MAY
15
2009
CAPTURED SUSPECTED ENEMY AGENT…

CAPTURED SUSPECTED ENEMY AGENT STOP CLAIMS HE IS NONCOMBATANT STOP EITHER WAY WE’LL BEAT IT OUT OF HIM

MAY
15
2009
ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT…

ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT STOP WITH THE EXCEPTION OF SCHULTZ STOP HE SNORES LIKE MACHINE GUN FIRE

MAY
15
2009
DARLING SUMMER HERE IS UNBEARA…

DARLING SUMMER HERE IS UNBEARABLE STOP MALARIA AND DYSENTERY STOP AWFUL HEAT BY DAY ROVING BEASTS AT NIGHT STOP WISH YOU WERE HERE

MAY
15
2009
HAVE YOU HEARD STOP MILITARY C…

HAVE YOU HEARD STOP MILITARY CENSORSHIP LIFTED STOP WE CAN FINALLY TELL THE KING WHAT A FINE FUDGE HE IS

MAY
15
2009
LOCAL CURRENCY COLLAPSED STOP …

LOCAL CURRENCY COLLAPSED STOP YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE WHAT I HAD TO DO TO OPERATOR TO GET THIS TELEGRAM SENT

MAY
15
2009
SELL THE HOUSE STOP SELL THE C…

SELL THE HOUSE STOP SELL THE CAR STOP SELL THE KIDS

MAY
13
2009
@linajk HOPEFULLY I WILL NEVER…

@linajk HOPEFULLY I WILL NEVER BE INCAPACITATED BEYOND THE ABILITY TO TAP OUT CRY FOR HELP IN MORSE CODE

MAY
13
2009
@linajk @TweetCapsule ONLY TEL…

@linajk @TweetCapsule ONLY TELEGRAPHIC CORRESPONDENCE AND PIGEON-CARRIED MAIL RETURNED STOP I SHOOT PIGEONS STOP BEST TO SEND TELEGRAMS

MAY
13
2009
@TweetCapsule IF "A ROARI…

@TweetCapsule IF “A ROARING AUTO THAT SOUNDS LIKE IT RUNS ON MACHINE-GUN FIRE IS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN WINGED NIKE” HAVE I GOT THE CAR FOR YOU

MAY
13
2009
@TweetCapsule SE "UN AUTO…

@TweetCapsule SE “UN AUTOMOBILE RUGGENTE CHE SEMBRA CORRERE SULLA MITRAGLIA E PIU BELLA DELLA VITTORIA DI SAMOTRACE” TE VENDERO UNA MACCHINA

MAY
12
2009
@linajk THE COUNCIL OF ASTRONO…

@linajk THE COUNCIL OF ASTRONOMERS HAS RECEIVED YOUR REQUEST STOP PLEASE WIRE US YOUR INITIAL OFFER FOR PLANETARY NAMING RIGHTS IN DOLLARS

MAY
12
2009
NAMING NEW PLANET STOP PLEASE …

NAMING NEW PLANET STOP PLEASE CONSIDER PLUTO STOP SUGGESTED BY SMALL GIRL VENETIA BURNEY FOR DARK AND GLOOMY PLANET

MAY
11
2009
@linajk SIAM TONGUE THAI’D STO…

@linajk SIAM TONGUE THAI’D STOP THAIS FEEL FOREVER TIED TO THEIR SIAMESE BROTHERS AND SISTERS

MAY
11
2009
MT CHURCHES BLESS CONGRESS FOR…

MT CHURCHES BLESS CONGRESS FOR ESTABLISHING GLACIER NATIONAL PARK STOP SAY THOSE GLACIERS WILL MELT BEFORE WE LOSE OUR GRACE IN GOD’S EYES

MAY
11
2009
PULLMAN WORKERS STRIKE IN CHIC…

PULLMAN WORKERS STRIKE IN CHICAGO STOP LED BY MAN NAMED DEBS STOP WILDCAT STRIKERS RUN WILD BUT COULD BE WORSE STOP DEBS COULD BE A PINKO

MAY
11
2009
SIAM CHANGES NAME TO THAILAND …

SIAM CHANGES NAME TO THAILAND STOP NATIONALITY OF SIAMESE TWINS REMAINS UNCHANGED

MAY
10
2009
@linajk PICNIC SOUNDS LOVELY S…

@linajk PICNIC SOUNDS LOVELY STOP YOU BRING THE BASKET STOP I’LL BRING THE ANTS

MAY
10
2009
DONE AND DONE…

DONE AND DONE

MAY
10
2009
TRANSCONTINENTAL RR TO DRIVE L…

TRANSCONTINENTAL RR TO DRIVE LAST SPIKE TODAY AT PROMONTORY SUMMIT UTAH STOP SOLID GOLD NAIL TO BE DRIVEN AT NOON STOP EXPECT STOLEN BY 1:30

MAY
09
2009
@linajk NO VIRTUE LEFT IN THIS…

@linajk NO VIRTUE LEFT IN THIS LAND STOP CAN’T EVEN FIND VIRGIN TRAIN TRACKS LET ALONE BLONDE STOP SEEMS “MADONNA” WILL DO STOP ANYTHING

MAY
09
2009
@VildeChaya NO ROPE TO SEND ST…

@VildeChaya NO ROPE TO SEND STOP APOLOGIES FOR LATE REPLY STOP PEOPLE ARE STILL TYING VIRGINS TO PONY EXPRESS TRAILS IN THESE PARTS

MAY
09
2009
RT @VildeChaya NEED TO TIE BLO…

RT @VildeChaya NEED TO TIE BLONDE VIRGIN TO RAILROAD TRACKS STOP SEND ROPE STOP WILL WAIT PATIENTLY TWIRLING MOUSTACHE TO PASS TIME

MAY
06
2009
YOU MAY FIRE WHOLE WRITING STA…

YOU MAY FIRE WHOLE WRITING STAFF IF YOU WISH STOP IF YOU’VE NOTHING NEW TO SAY YOU BETTER HAVE SOMETHING OLD WELL PREPARED

MAY
05
2009
YOUR FULL THICK MANHOOD ASSURE…

YOUR FULL THICK MANHOOD ASSURED STOP ENVIED BY ALL GENTLEMEN LUSTED AFTER BY EVERY LADY STOP DR. FLETCHER’S MOUSTACHE OINTMENT & SHOE POLISH

MAY
05
2009
DISCOUNT SOFTWARE! STOP MERE N…

DISCOUNT SOFTWARE! STOP MERE NICKELS A BOLT FOR GOODLY FABRICS WORTH TWO BITS A YARD STOP CHEAP PATCHES TOO

MAY
05
2009
HELLO I AM A NIGERIAN PRINCE S…

HELLO I AM A NIGERIAN PRINCE STOP QUEEN BEING HELD BY SPANIARDS STOP 10% OF $5000 RANSOM PAID DISCREETLY WILL YIELD $1000 FROM GRATEFUL KING

MAY
05
2009
DR. FLETCHER’S HERBAL TONIC CU…

DR. FLETCHER’S HERBAL TONIC CURES ALL DISEASE STOP SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN HEALING PROPERTIES OF MERCURY VAPORS AND ARSENIC SALTS STOP ONLY $5

MAY
05
2009
HANDSOME MAIDS WISH TELEGRAPHI…

HANDSOME MAIDS WISH TELEGRAPHIC CORRESPONDENCE WITH YOU STOP DEMURE YET YIELDING STOP WILL ARRANGE MEETING FOR NOMINAL FEE STOP WIRE CASH

MAY
04
2009
@VildeChaya MARVIN SEND SOME O…

@VildeChaya MARVIN SEND SOME OF THOSE MUSICIANS MY WAY STOP FIRST MAKE SURE NONE OF THEM KNOW ANY LAWYERS OR ACCOUNTANTS

MAY
04
2009
GOOD NEWS BATTLEFIELD PROMOTIO…

GOOD NEWS BATTLEFIELD PROMOTION ASSURED HERE STOP WILL SOON ATTAIN RANK OF COLONEL STOP HOWEVER FAIRLY CERTAIN COMMISSION WILL BE POSTHUMOUS

MAY
04
2009
WALKER LEFT TODAY ON NICARAGUA…

WALKER LEFT TODAY ON NICARAGUAN EXPEDITION STOP GATHERED 60 FREEBOOTERS TO CONQUER JUNGLE STOP CROWD OF WELL-WISHERS BADE GOOD RIDDANCE

MAY
01
2009
@critterblogs SEARS ROEBUCK DE…

@critterblogs SEARS ROEBUCK DEEPLY REGRETS ERROR STOP SENDING 30 GALLONS HIGH-GRADE AIRPLANE GLUE INSTEAD

MAY
01
2009
RT @critterblogs @telegramslos…

RT @critterblogs @telegramslost SEARS CATALOG FAILED TO NOTE HOUSE ORDERED NEEDED ASSEMBLY STOP SEND 200 BOXES NAILS AND 100 BOTTLES WHISKEY

MAY
01
2009
DEWEY REPORTS MIGHTY SPANISH F…

DEWEY REPORTS MIGHTY SPANISH FLEET IN MANILA BAY SURRENDERED IN 7 HOURS FLAT STOP CHIEF ENGINEER OF USS MCCULLOGH DEAD OF HEART ATTACK

MAY
01
2009
YIDDISH STAGE AND SCREEN STAR …

YIDDISH STAGE AND SCREEN STAR @JoshMalina RUMORED ILL STOP REPORTED SNEEZING AND MAKING CHICKEN SOUP STOP NISHTUGEDACHT

MAY
01
2009
@critterblogs WORLD RECEIVED Y…

@critterblogs WORLD RECEIVED YOUR MESSAGE STOP NOT ALONE IN BEING ALONE STOP DISPATCHED 100,000,000 BOTTLES WITH REPLY STOP CHECK BEACH

MAY
01
2009
RT @critterblogs @telegramslos…

RT @critterblogs @telegramslost SENDING OUT AN SOS TO THE WORLD STOP PERHAPS MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE WOULD WORK TOO STOP

MAY
01
2009
RECEIVED REQUEST FOR 6FT GOLD …

RECEIVED REQUEST FOR 6FT GOLD CROSS FOR THAT FAT BASTARD BRYAN STOP ENGINEERS SAY MUST BE GOLD PLATED INSTEAD FOR STRUCTURAL SUPPORT

MAY
01
2009
RT @telegramslost CALLING WILL…

RT @telegramslost CALLING WILLIAM JENNINGS BRYAN’S BLUFF STOP SEND SIX FOOT TALL CROSS OF GOLD STOP LETS END THIS BIMETALLIST HUMBUG STOP

APR
30
2009
HAWAII REPUBLIC DECLARED US TE…

HAWAII REPUBLIC DECLARED US TERRITORY STOP CONSTITUTIONAL MONARCHY NOW DEAD LETTER STOP SANFORD B. DOLE DECLARED TOP BANANA

APR
30
2009
@PresidentTaft IF YOUR DIET CO…

@PresidentTaft IF YOUR DIET CONSISTS SOLELY OF LITTLE GOLD CHIPS AND DIAMOND JUICE YOUR PLUMBER MUST BE A WEALTHY MAN

APR
29
2009
APOLOGIES FOR DELAY OF YOUR OR…

APOLOGIES FOR DELAY OF YOUR ORDER STOP MOST OF MY WORKERS ARE OUT SICK WITH INFLUENZA STOP REST ARE OUT DEAD

APR
29
2009
@VildeChaya RECEIVED YOUR CHAL…

@VildeChaya RECEIVED YOUR CHALLENGE STOP PISTOLS AT DAWN IT IS STOP IF I ARRIVE LATE START WITHOUT ME

APR
27
2009
ENEMY SOLDIERS FAST APPROACHIN…

ENEMY SOLDIERS FAST APPROACHING STOP MOTHERS HIDE YOUR DAUGHTERS STOP CHILDREN HIDE YOUR PETS

APR
26
2009
JOHN WILKES BOOTH EMERGES FRO…

JOHN WILKES BOOTH EMERGES FROM HIDING IN ROLE OF LIFETIME STOP CORPSE CARRIED OUT OF BARN BY UNION SOLDIERS

APR
25
2009
@critterblogs LUGGING THE LIKE…

@critterblogs LUGGING THE LIKES OF TAFT OVER SIERRA NEVADAS IS A WORTHY GOAL FOR OUR NATION STOP HOW MANY WOULD DIE CHASING SUCH A DREAM?

APR
25
2009
RT @telegramslost IT IS TOO BA…

RT @telegramslost IT IS TOO BAD UNCLE DONNER WAS NOT WITH @presidenttaft STOP AN ARM WOULD HAVE PROVIDED PROVISIONS FOR AN YEAR STOP

APR
24
2009
@critterblogs AT LEAST ONLY MO…

@critterblogs AT LEAST ONLY MONEY WAS LOST STOP HEARD TELL SOME OF THOSE FELLOWS HAVE LOST APPENDAGES TO VARIOUS DISEASES

APR
24
2009
RT @telegramslost NO WONDER YO…

RT @telegramslost NO WONDER YOU LOST MONEY ON THAT MARE STOP ALL OF THE MEN AT THE PUB HAVE HAD A RIDE ON THAT HORSE NAMED CARRIE STOP

APR
24
2009
@critterblogs STRANGE, SURVIVO…

@critterblogs STRANGE, SURVIVORS SAID ULTIMATELY GEORGE WASN’T THE MOST RESOURCEFUL OF THE PARTY

APR
24
2009
RT @telegramslost I HAD AN UNC…

RT @telegramslost I HAD AN UNCLE NAMED GEORGE DONNER WHO WENT WEST TO CALIFORNIA STOP HE EDUCATED ME IN RESOURCEFULNESS STOP

APR
24
2009
@critterblogs POPPYCOCK STOP E…

@critterblogs POPPYCOCK STOP EVERYONE KNOWS IN 100 YEARS WE WILL ALL WEAR TROPOSPHERE-AGE FABRICS

APR
24
2009
RT @telegramslost MET MR LEHMA…

RT @telegramslost MET MR LEHMAN AND BROTHERS AT COTTON EXCHANGE STOP PREDICT THEIR FIRM WILL STILL BE IN THE NEWS IN A HUNDRED YEARS STOP

APR
24
2009
@critterblogs YOUR ACCOUNT OF …

@critterblogs YOUR ACCOUNT OF PAINTING IN TITANIC SAFE INTRIGUING STOP DID YOU BUY IT OFF A MERMAID?

APR
24
2009
RT @telegramslost PAINTING WAS…

RT @telegramslost PAINTING WAS ON SAFE IN SHIP STOP WAS OF WOMAN WEARING DIAMOND ON TITANIC STOP IT WAS THE SHIP OF DREAMS STOP

APR
24
2009
@critterblogs IF IT’S TAFT WHO…

@critterblogs IF IT’S TAFT WHO’S STUCK BETTER ALERT MINNESOTA TOO

APR
24
2009
RT @telegramslost WISCONSIN EX…

RT @telegramslost WISCONSIN EXPERIENCING BUTTER SHORTAGE STOP HAD TO SEND TO WHITE HOUSE AS @presidenttaft WAS STUCK IN TUB STOP

APR
24
2009
@critterblogs RECEIVED REQUEST…

@critterblogs RECEIVED REQUEST FOR PROVISIONS AND FIREARMS STOP SENT FINE RIFLE BUT NO PROVISIONS STOP BE RESOURCEFUL

APR
24
2009
RT @telegramslost AT THE FACTO…

RT @telegramslost AT THE FACTORY FOR A LONG SHIFT STOP SEND LUNCH PAIL COFFEE AND SHOTGUN STOP

APR
24
2009
@critterblogs HOW CURIOUS STOP…

@critterblogs HOW CURIOUS STOP LOST A GREAT DEAL BETTING ON A HORSE NAMED CARRIE THAT TURNED OUT TO BE BRAYING SPINSTER

APR
24
2009
RT @telegramslost MET FOUR TRA…

RT @telegramslost MET FOUR TRAGIC SPINSTER TYPES AT THE RACES STOP NAMES WERE CARRIE CHARLOTTE MIRANDA AND SAMANTHA STOP

APR
24
2009
@critterblogs SUSPECT TITANIC …

@critterblogs SUSPECT TITANIC PAINTING A FAKE STOP EITHER PAINTING’S ALL WET OR YOU ARE

APR
24
2009
RT @telegramslost SELLING LOVE…

RT @telegramslost SELLING LOVELY PAINTING BY ARTIST NAMED JACK DAWSON STOP VERY VALUABLE WAS ON HMS TITANIC STOP

APR
24
2009
GOOD NEWS FROM DOCTOR STOP CHO…

GOOD NEWS FROM DOCTOR STOP CHOLERA LIKELY NOT FATAL STOP GANGRENE OUTLOOK LESS ROSY

APR
23
2009
ALFERD PACKER NOTORIOUS CANNIB…

ALFERD PACKER NOTORIOUS CANNIBAL REPORTED DEAD OF OLD AGE STOP SMALL FUNERAL FOLLOWED BY LIGHT SUPPER

APR
23
2009
CONGRATULATIONS ON PRACTICAL H…

CONGRATULATIONS ON PRACTICAL HELIUM EXTRACTION METHOD STOP ENDLESS COMMERCIAL APPLICATIONS STOP FUTURE GENERATIONS OF NON-CASTRATI THANK YOU

APR
22
2009
@critterblogs EVIDENTLY BURLES…

@critterblogs EVIDENTLY BURLESQUE SCHOOLS QUITE EXPENSIVE STOP PASTIES NEVER GIVE UP THEIR SECRETS CHEAPLY

APR
22
2009
@critterblogs MUST THE WRIGLEY…

@critterblogs MUST THE WRIGLEYS POLLUTE THE CITY WITH THEIR STADIUM LIKE CHEWING GUM STUCK TO BOTTOM OF CIVIC SHOE STOP I HEREBY CURSE THEM

APR
22
2009
@michaelianblack RT HOW DISTRE…

@michaelianblack RT HOW DISTRESSING STOP THIS PEPPER FELLOW SOUNDS LIKE A QUACK STOP QUIT DRINKING THE STUFF UNTIL MEDICAL LICENSE VERIFIED

APR
22
2009
@PresidentTaft VISITED DC WITH…

@PresidentTaft VISITED DC WITH FAMILY STOP CHILDREN EXCITED TO SEE 1ST HOT AIR BALLOON STOP IMAGINE DISAPPOINTMENT WHEN TURNED OUT TO BE YOU

APR
22
2009
PROSELYTIZING SAVAGES NOT GOIN…

PROSELYTIZING SAVAGES NOT GOING WELL STOP BUT PLEASE SEND MORE PAMPHLETS STOP SEVERE LACK OF FIREWOOD IN THESE PARTS STOP

APR
21
2009
GENERAL HAVE FINALLY TRACKED D…

GENERAL HAVE FINALLY TRACKED DOWN THE ENEMY STOP WE ARE TOTALLY SURROUNDED STOP THEY’LL NEVER GET AWAY THIS TIME

APR
21
2009
@critterblogs DEAR GOD WHAT HA…

@critterblogs DEAR GOD WHAT HAVE I BEEN DRINKING STOP WHY DOES IT ALWAYS LEAVE MY MOUTH SO DRY?

APR
21
2009
@VildeChaya "PANTS MADE O…

@VildeChaya “PANTS MADE OF TENT CANVAS?” STOP NO NEED TO BE COY STOP PROSTITUTION IS LEGAL HERE

APR
21
2009
@critterblogs HOPEFULLY QUAKE …

@critterblogs HOPEFULLY QUAKE WILL KNOCK LOOSE A FEW NUGGETS STOP I’M LOSING MY SHIRT IN THIS RIVER

APR
21
2009
@critterblogs HOW DISTRESSING …

@critterblogs HOW DISTRESSING STOP THIS PEPPER FELLOW SOUNDS LIKE A QUACK STOP QUIT DRINKING THE STUFF UNTIL YOU VERIFY MEDICAL LICENSE

APR
21
2009
@VildeChaya IF ROOM STOPS SPIN…

@VildeChaya IF ROOM STOPS SPINNING AND LIGHTBULB REMAINS UNSCREWED CLEARLY THERE IS MUCH DRINKING LEFT TO DO

APR
21
2009
@VildeChaya WALT, CAN YOU MAKE…

@VildeChaya WALT, CAN YOU MAKE THE MOUSE WHISTLE? STOP STEPPED ON ONE THE OTHER DAY AND MY CHILDREN WERE DELIGHTED BY FUNNY NOISE IT MADE

APR
21
2009
@critterblogs $25000 FOR SPIRI…

@critterblogs $25000 FOR SPIRITS OUTRAGEOUS STOP BOSTON CAN HOLD ITS OWN DAMN SEANCES ON ST PATRICK’S DAY

APR
21
2009
@VildeChaya UNDERSTAND SODA FO…

@VildeChaya UNDERSTAND SODA FOUNTAIN FLOODING STORE STOP SENDING SEVERAL BARRELS ICED-CREAM TO HELP YOU STAY AFLOAT

APR
21
2009
@critterblogs SORRY CANNOT COM…

@critterblogs SORRY CANNOT COMPLY STOP YOU TELL BILLY WAR IS OVER STOP WHENEVER I APPROACH AM PELTED WITH GRAPESHOT AND SHOUTS OF “YANKEE”

APR
21
2009
YOUR TOWN MUST BE EXCITED TO G…

YOUR TOWN MUST BE EXCITED TO GET RAIL LINE EXTENSION AND STATION STOP NOW WHEN I DON’T VISIT IT WILL BE BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE YOU

APR
21
2009
FAMED ACTOR MACREADY TOURING C…

FAMED ACTOR MACREADY TOURING COUNTRYSIDE STOP HOW MANY EGGS AND TOMATOES WILL BE SACRIFICED TO DEFEND ART?

APR
21
2009
@VildeChaya EXCITED BY YOUR BU…

@VildeChaya EXCITED BY YOUR BUSINESS PROPOSAL STOP WHERE CAN I GET MY HANDS ON $21 MILLION WORTH OF CORNED BEEF?

APR
19
2009
RECEIVED YOUR GRACIOUS GIFT OF…

RECEIVED YOUR GRACIOUS GIFT OF TOP-NOTCH FURNITURE POLISH MANY THANKS STOP FOR SOME REASON IS MISLABELED “WHISKEY” STOP

APR
19
2009
RECKON FIRE AT COMPETING FACTO…

RECKON FIRE AT COMPETING FACTORY WILL TREBLE OUR INVENTORY’S VALUE STOP MORTALLY WOUNDED DURING RESEARCH PROCESS STOP

APR
19
2009
DARLING YOUR LOVE SUSTAINS ME …

DARLING YOUR LOVE SUSTAINS ME DURING THIS LONG DEPLOYMENT STOP GREAT NEWS ABOUT THE NEW BABY STOP HOW IS THE LITTLE BASTARD? STOP

APR
18
2009
RECEIVED YOUR "FUNNY&quot…

RECEIVED YOUR “FUNNY” DAGUERREOTYPE STOP WHY ANYONE WOULD STAND PERFECTLY STILL FOR 5 MINUTES EXPOSING THEIR BUTTOCKS IS BEYOND ME STOP

APR
18
2009
VISITED FACTORY EXCELLENT PROG…

VISITED FACTORY EXCELLENT PROGRESS STOP HAVE MADE 3 MILLION EDIBLE NAILS STOP LET’S HOPE GINGERBREAD HOUSING BOOM WILL CONTINUE STOP

APR
17
2009
RECEIVED LATEST DISPATCH FROM …

RECEIVED LATEST DISPATCH FROM THE FRONT STOP IF WAR KEEPS UP AS SUCH IT WILL SOON BE THE BEHIND STOP

APR
17
2009
@critterblogs WINSLOW SAYS YOU…

@critterblogs WINSLOW SAYS YOUR ASS SOMEWHAT GAMY OTHERWISE DELICIOUS STOP LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE’S ROWING HOME STOP

APR
17
2009
@VildeChaya YOU CHICAGOANS SUR…

@VildeChaya YOU CHICAGOANS SURE LOVE BBQ CAN ALMOST SMELL IT FROM HERE STOP WILL ARRIVE IN 3 DAYS STOP WAIT, I CAN SMELL IT FROM HERE STOP

APR
17
2009
@critterblogs DON’T WORRY STOP…

@critterblogs DON’T WORRY STOP HAVE EVERY CONFIDENCE THE LOSS OF YOUR BERTH ON HMS TITANIC WILL BE NO GREAT TRAGEDY STOP

APR
17
2009
TO MY OLDEST PAL THE GROOM- CO…

TO MY OLDEST PAL THE GROOM- CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW YOUNG WIFE STOP TO THE BRIDE- MY PRE-EMPTIVE CONDOLENCES STOP

APR
17
2009
@critterblogs MUST BE ALL THE …

@critterblogs MUST BE ALL THE SUGAR STOP HAVE BEEN DRINKING BROWN FOR YEARS TO NO EFFECT STOP

APR
17
2009
@critterblogs THIS COCA-COLA D…

@critterblogs THIS COCA-COLA DRINK SOUNDS INTERESTING STOP CANNOT FIND ANY HERE STOP PLEASE SEND RECIPE STOP

APR
17
2009
@critterblogs CAN’T FIND TOOTH…

@critterblogs CAN’T FIND TOOTHACHE REMEDY FROM DENTIST STOP PLEASE LOOK AROUND WAS VERY EXPENSIVE STOP BROWN BOTTLE LABELED “HEROIN” STOP

APR
17
2009
@critterblogs IN POSSESSION OF…

@critterblogs IN POSSESSION OF LARGE STOCK OF SHOES STOP CAN YOU ARRANGE SIMILAR FIRE NEAR YOU? STOP

APR
17
2009
@critterblogs HAVE SECURED MON…

@critterblogs HAVE SECURED MONEY FOR TICKETS TO WIRE YOU STOP PLEASE SEND RIGHT AWAY ALSO ANY WOODEN LEGS YOU MAY HAVE LYING AROUND STOP

APR
17
2009
@critterblogs PLEASE SEND TICK…

@critterblogs PLEASE SEND TICKETS STOP WILL PAY IN GOOD TIME BUT PRESENT FINANCIAL SITUATION DIRE STOP CAN’T EVEN PAY FOR THIS TELEGR

APR
17
2009
WHEAT CROP FAILED STOP CORN FI…

WHEAT CROP FAILED STOP CORN FIELDS DESTROYED STOP HOWEVER FAMILY FARM HOLDING UP WELL SINCE WE SWITCHED TO RAISING LOCUSTS STOP

APR
16
2009
@VildeChaya MANY FLY BARS IN …

@VildeChaya MANY FLY BARS IN HAVANA STOP SUGGEST ORDERING A STRONG CUBA LIBRE THERE STOP DON’T ASK FOR ONE TOO LOUDLY NEAR ANY POLICE STOP

APR
16
2009
ISLAND FLORA BEAUTIFUL STOP MO…

ISLAND FLORA BEAUTIFUL STOP MOSQUITOS AS BIG AS HUMAN HEADS STOP THOUGH LOCAL TRIBE ARE HEADHUNTERS AND SHRINKERS STOP

APR
16
2009
FINALLY ARRIVED AT DESTINATION…

FINALLY ARRIVED AT DESTINATION AFTER ARDUOUS JOURNEY STOP WILL SEND WHEREABOUTS AS SOON AS CAN BE ASCERTAINED FROM LOCALS STOP

APR
16
2009
CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING NAMED…

CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING NAMED ROYAL ENVOY TO HABU-HABU STOP PLEASE COLLECT AS MUCH OF PREVIOUS ENVOY AS POSSIBLE AND SHIP HIM HOME STOP

APR
16
2009
FINALLY RECEIVED SHIPMENT STOP…

FINALLY RECEIVED SHIPMENT STOP 10,000 OF THE RIGHT SHOES STOP MANY THANKS STOP PLEASE SEND THE LEFT SHOES AT EARLIEST CONVENIENCE STOP

APR
16
2009
SUFFERED SMALL ACCIDENT STOP D…

SUFFERED SMALL ACCIDENT STOP DON’T WORRY FINGERS REMAIN ATTACHED STOP CANNOT SAY THE SAME FOR HAND STOP

APR
15
2009
DEEPLY REGRET TO INFORM YOU TH…

DEEPLY REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR FIANCEE PVT. JOHN DOE KILLED IN ACTION APR. 15TH STOP TAKE SOLACE STOP WAS RIDDLED WITH SYPHILIS STOP

APR
15
2009
TERRIBLE TRAGEDY STOP MINE COL…

TERRIBLE TRAGEDY STOP MINE COLLAPSE STOP DOZENS OF WORKERS KILLED STOP FOREMAN LOST GOLD WATCH DOWN MINE STOP INCONSOLABLE STOP

APR
15
2009
DELIVERED HEALTHY BABY BOY STO…

DELIVERED HEALTHY BABY BOY STOP LOOKS JUST LIKE FATHER STOP PLEASE RECOMMEND DIVORCE LAWYER STOP

APR
15
2009
GREAT NEWS STOP STRUCK OIL STO…

GREAT NEWS STOP STRUCK OIL STOP WORSE NEWS STOP OIL STRUCK BACK STOP MANY DEAD STOP

APR
15
2009
THANKS MUCH $5 GIFT STOP BOUGH…

THANKS MUCH $5 GIFT STOP BOUGHT NEW SUIT SHOES SHAVING KIT STOP TELEGRAMS NOW COST TWENTY CENTS PER WORD STOP PLEASE SEND MORE STOP

APR
14
2009
BOMBARDMENT SUCCESSFUL STOP NO…

BOMBARDMENT SUCCESSFUL STOP NOW DEAF BOTH EARS STOP MARRIAGE GREATLY IMPROVED STOP

APR
14
2009
RECEIVED YOUR TELEGRAM LAST WE…

RECEIVED YOUR TELEGRAM LAST WEEK STOP GLAD HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN STOP WILL REPLY WHEN ABLE UNDERSTAND MORSE CODE STOP

APR
14
2009
NATIVES CLOSING IN STOP HAVE E…

NATIVES CLOSING IN STOP HAVE EATEN SERVANTS STOP SEND LAWYERS GUNS AND MONEY STOP



telegrams lost
 
ASTOR PL OPERA HOUSE RIOTS MARK FIRST TIME ARMY CALLED TO CULL CITY\'S WHEAT FROM LOW-BRED DRUNKEN FILTHY IGNORANT SHAKESPEARE-LOVING CHAFF

NOTICED @DalaiLama HAS OVER ONE MILLION TWITTER FOLLOWERS BUT DOESN\'T FOLLOW ANYBODY BACK STOP HEY EVER HEARD OF A LITTLE THING CALLED KARMA

@KeithOlbermann IDEA: RETURN TO AIR WITH HEARTFELT APOLOGY INDICTING @FoxNews AND HAVE BEN AFFLECK DELIVER IT AS YOU

WHEN WE FOUND GRANDPA MISSING WE FEARED WORST STOP THEN FOUND SILVERWARE AND LIQUOR MISSING STOP AT LEAST HE\'S COMPOS MENTIS

@MoRocca: HIPSTERS ON A PLANE STOP THE HORROR STOP THE HORROR

♺ @MoRocca: So many identical MacBooks on airpt sec conveyer belt. Waiting 4 Mac mix-up romantic comedy w/ Justin Long. Title?

@ZODIAC_MF SON SON SON SON SON SON SON SON SON SON SON

RT @ZODIAC_MF: POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP POP

@EmilyEDickinson WHY CAN EVERYTHING YOU WRITE BE SUNG TO THE TUNE OF GILLIGAN\'S ISLAND STOP WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL US

DADDY WENT AND LOST HIS LEG STOP THE POOR INVALID IS A TERRIBLE POKER PLAYER


 
AUG
22
2012
Something That’s Been Bothering Me For a Few Years Now…

Christine O’Donnell went on TV with her usual claptrap about how Obama is a Marxist and Soledad O’Brien (who is on a huge streak of calling Republicans out in exasperation lately) rolled her eyes. In the clip, we don’t see the subject get pressed too much further, but this has been annoying me for a […]

SEP
30
2011
The Revenge of Icarus

In the summer of 2008, I wrote a short story that was intended to be a comment on what I thought was a coming depression, where overvalued assets would ruin the wealthy and force all those paper millionaires into destitution. I got some positive feedback from a literary agent, who thought I could turn it […]

JUL
18
2011
Are Marginal Academics Going Crazy?

The Wall Street Journal’s most popular article today was an editorial by one Professor Michael J. Boskin entitled, “Get Ready for a 70% Marginal Tax Rate,” and it was a doozy. It hearkened back to bygone days at university, when we carelessly tossed haphazardly written bullshit under the professor’s door a minute after the deadline, […]

MAY
12
2011
Protected: ZKY Teaser

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

MAY
06
2011
Meet The New Boss, Same As The Old Boss

I’ve decided to resurrect my dear old blog, now a rambunctious and neglected eight-year old–today! On May 6th in 2003, I decided to start a blog instead of sending my friends links to stuff via Instant Messenger. Back, then, I had to carry these posts uphill both ways; I built my own blog software and […]

SEP
22
2009
This Ought To Be A Healthy Debate

So the President unveiled his health plan(s) to what I thought was an incredible display of bravery on the Republicans’ part, and I’m jealous. I remember what it felt like to torture the substitute teacher from the back of class, yelling out “you lie!” and holding up signs and so forth. These people are really […]

AUG
20
2009
According To My Careful Prosthesis

Like you, I was very concerned about the well-being of crazy right-wingers this summer. Their favorite party out of office, a Democratic super-majority in the Senate, the stock market dragging its feet—how were we, as a nation, going to keep these people off the streets? By staging a gigantic nation-wide debate about healthcare, that’s how. […]

MAY
06
2009
Web 2.1

Usually I talk about politics here, with slight detours into science or arts or things like that, but on the sixth anniversary of Casual Asides, I’ve decided to turn to the foundational element of this blog: technology—specifically, the World Wide Web. Six years is a long time on the Internet, and even longer in the […]

MAY
04
2009
Why Doesn’t Somebody Pull Out A .45 And–Bang!–Settle It?

A modest proposal for extreme and Constitutional gun control: The right is losing a considerable amount of ground in the culture wars—every poll released in the last year shows America lurching to the left on traditional issues for conservatives from gay marriage to economic regulation to opening relations with Cuba. But there is one issue […]

APR
05
2009
The Democracy of Racism

Later this month in Geneva, the United Nations will be holding what it calls the Durban Review Conference (a.k.a. “Durban II”) to “evaluate progress towards the goals set by the World Conference against Racism, Racial Discrimination, Xenophobia and Related Intolerance in Durban, South Africa, in 2001.” Part of the agenda at Durban II will be […]

OCT
27
2008
How Can America Break Free Of The Two-Party System?

The economic turmoil of the past year hasn’t just thrown Wall Street into disarray—it’s causing ideological havoc in Washington. The two major parties are just as confused by the crisis as the rest of America, and party lines are becoming blurred just at the point where the Democrats seem poised to steamroll the Republicans on […]

OCT
08
2008
If You Plant Ice, You’re Gonna Harvest Wind

A few years ago, I bet a friend that the Dow Jones Industrial Average, an index of the leading American companies’ stock prices and one of the most celebrated economic indicators on Wall Street, would dip below 10,000 ‘points’ as a result of the oncoming credit crisis. Today I called him at work and said, […]

SEP
16
2008
Drill Up, Stupid

The component of the price of oil due to speculation was always kind of an unknown quantity. At the height of the oil bubble this summer, with prices at $150, someone suggested to Congress that up to a third of the price was actually due to market manipulation (a.k.a. “speculation”) by financial institutions, many of […]

JUN
21
2008
Top Ten Myths About Ecology

Since I spent most of my last appearance on Sirius’ Blog Bunker and all of the previous post talking about oil without too much emphasis on the greenhouse gas part of the equation, I think it behooves us all on the left side of the political spectrum to deal with the fallacies of global warming […]

JUN
20
2008
Driving Like Jehu

What drives oil prices? Everyone has a theory that suits their ideological niche—Democrats blame lack of regulation, Republicans blame too much regulation, and the rest of us wonder why prices aren’t higher than they are already. Earlier this month, Congress got an earful from a variety of oil experts on both sides of the ideological […]

JUN
01
2008
I Don’t Believe In Bullshit

In 1517, a young monk named Martin Luther, began a new era in Christianity by declaring his independence from what he saw as the excesses and iniquities of the Roman Catholic Church. Having kicked off the Reformation by nailing an itemized list of complaints to a church door, Luther challenged not only the orthodoxy of […]

MAY
06
2008
Knock On Wood

It’s Casual Asides’ 5th anniversary. Consider (with the new word count feature at the bottom of each post) that at this point, I’ve written about 260-odd posts and hundreds of thousands of words, enough to fill a decent sized book. That’s gotta be worth something, right? I pause here to consider that although I like […]

MAY
03
2008
Bulls in the China Shop

It’s hard to watch the news lately, because it’s just an interminable vivisection and slow broil of the Democratic candidates, thanks to Hillary’s stalwart refusal to do the math. C’mon, folks, it’s all on CNN’s delegate counter game, which has helpfully added a feature which lets you see exactly why Clinton needs a 66% margin […]

MAR
09
2008
Any Minute Now, Amos ‘n’ Andy Broadcasts Will Reach Planet X!

Dear readers, exciting things are happening. Here’s a quick review of the past few months. That Book I’m Always Talking About For the last two years, I’ve been writing a non-fiction book—it’s what I’m doing when I’m not posting here. When people ask me what the book is about, I usualy say something like, “it’s […]

DEC
05
2007
Casual Policy Suggestions

It’s time for me to tell you what’s good for you, besides the obvious—cod liver oil, plenty of sunshine, and switching to a ‘light’ cigarette. Start Snitching The greatest thing about the immigration debate today is that everyone involved in debating it in the media is totally full of shit. You have your Lou Dobbses, […]

NOV
06
2007
Why I Am A Pacifist

I missed the anti-war rally last weekend. I’d call it a peace rally, but nobody’s really for ‘peace’ anymore; the majority of the country still thinks the war in Afghanistan was justified, and they’re even receptive to bombing Iran. Even the majority of the country who is now against the Iraq war isn’t really against […]

OCT
13
2007
Fall Behind

Dear readers, you may be wondering what I’ve been up to, since lately dispatches are few and I never call anymore. Well, I’ve been working on a book. If you want a copy of the proposal, e-mail me and I’ll send it to you. For the purposes of this website, the proposal is to be […]

AUG
29
2007
The Rotting Corpse of King Croesus

Now that News Corp has all purchased the Wall Street Journal and late capitalism is experiencing yet another paroxysm—er, market correction—I think it behooves us all to consider the fate of the lowly Glass-Steagall Act of 1933. You see, way back in the 1920’s the market was booming—everybody was getting rich speculating in the market […]

AUG
20
2007
Everyone But Thee And Me

Welcome to another edition of actual casual asides, seasoned as usual with gotchas and I-told-you-sos. Ask Not For Whom The Bell Tolls… The United States and our allies have no rational interest in disclosing how many people we’ve killed in Iraq and Afghanistan if that number is inclusive of civilians. “We don’t do body counts,” […]

JUL
31
2007
The World Would Swing, If I Were King

The foreign policy spat between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton couldn’t have been scripted better for the mainstream media. It’s also the reason why watching politics in America drives me crazy. The great triangulation has begun. Lyndon Johnson had the Texas two-step, and the Clintons have the Sister Souljah moment. It’s one of their ways […]

JUL
17
2007
Is Virginia As Lost As Anbar?

Sometimes, it’s too easy. What kind of idiot protests that the surge is working? “AJStrata,” for one, who wrote this charming piece of tripe which I cannot help but “fisk.” So, let’s get into it: The signs abound that Iraq is stabilizing. The massacres of Muslims that al-Qaeda and the Mahdi Malitia [sic] inflict are […]

JUL
12
2007
A Rose By Any Other Name

Sometimes I wonder how many times I can restate essentially the same points about Iraq. I’ve been doing it for over four years now. I suppose I should derive some satisfaction from the fact that the majority of Americans are now against the war. Unfortunately, that’s like the majority of Americans being against the Big […]

JUL
05
2007
Oh, Pobrecito!

When will Americans learn that prison just isn’t fit for rich people? Apparently, it was these last few weeks. First there’s the Paris Hilton in-and-out again with the overcrowded California correctional system. When asked why Hilton was being released a second time before her setnece had been served, an official mumbled somehing about ‘health concerns’ […]

JUN
29
2007
Homework Over Summer Vacation

There’s been so much stuff going on in the past month, both in the world and my own life, that I feel like I fell behind in the news somewhere around the beginning of June. Hence, no posts; I’ve been working on some other things. But There are some things I’d like to address, briefly: […]

MAY
28
2007
They’ve Plucked, They’ve Sown, They’ve Hollowed Him In

The thrashing of Iraq continues. Today is Memorial Day, when America traditionally celebrates the deaths of its military men and women by going to the beach and wearing funereal shades of white and so forth. Speaking of symbolic dates, I propose a new slogan for the anti-war marchers for the summer season: “Out By September […]

MAY
18
2007
Change A Light Bulb, Save Darfur

I can’t quite put my finger on why I’ve singled Republican Presidential candidate Duncan Hunter out as my bête noire, but I have, so deal with it. Hunter isn’t as dangerous to civil rights as, say, Sam Brownback, or as connivingly amoral as Rudy Giuliani, but there’s something about him that just rubs me the […]

MAY
10
2007
If The Hoods Don’t Get You, The Monoxide Will

As I mentioned earlier, the Democrats don’t have enough backbone to do.. well, nothing, and let the Iraq war end in 180 days. So, they’re going to continue to fund the war in some fashion, likely by insisting on “benchmarks,” which is now the catchphrase du jour . As with everything else about the American […]

MAY
06
2007
Four More Years

Today is this blog’s fourth birthday, and as you can see, I’ve done a bit of a redesign. The old design was intentionally cluttered, because that’s how my desk looks. But I figured that, as I say at the bottom of all my e-mails, “non sunt multiplicanda entia praeter necessitam,” which means not to multiply […]

MAY
03
2007
Ask the Cop in The Woodpile

Yesterday as I was watching Fox News, I heard a small but sharp explosion and the clatter of plastic shrapnel. The batteries in my VCR remote, which I last remember replacing sometime in college, decided that they’d had enough. A cursory examination of the debris showed the batteries were supposed to expire in 2012, with […]

APR
26
2007
Cannon Fodder

C-SPAN is getting better and better with the Democrats putting the investigations front and center. I have to say it’s thrilling to watch Republicans squirm after years of this bullshit going the other way. Kucinich, bless him, is even going after Dick Cheney with articles of impeachment. I am a big fan of this approach, […]

APR
14
2007
Gender Divides

There are a few topics I try to avoid on this blog; Israel, monetary policy, cats. But I suppose the most glaring omissions are feminist concerns (closely followed by Darfur, a topic about which I have long struggled to write without much success). I’m not going to offer some lame excuse like “I just don’t […]

APR
11
2007
Barbarians at the Logic Gates

Let me state at the outset that I am a huge, huge fan of both Tim O’Reilly and Jimmy Wales. I own several O’Reilly books, and obviously I use wikipedia all the time. I respect them immensely, and we should all bow before their superior technological wisdom. Except in this case: A widely forwarded New […]

APR
10
2007
Ultimately, The Buck Stops Nowhere

Four years into the occupation in Iraq and it's still going on, despite the mounting frustrations of all involved. My writing on the subject has begun to resemble a post-mortem on a still-living body. I felt like I was beating a dead horse in 2005

APR
10
2007
Round and Round

Being philosophically-self aware is a very special kind of hell. The simpler your thinking, the more complicated your life becomes. While other people have no problems with the inherently self-contradictory, people like me get stuck on little details like how the entire world has obviously gone totally batshit. I had this problem with the war […]

APR
08
2007
Start The Selective Outrage Machine

I know I’ve ragged on Pope Benedict before for being a Nazi, but I do feel compelled to quote his Easter speech yesterday morning: How many wounds, how much suffering there is in the world! Natural calamities and human tragedies that cause innumerable victims and enormous material destruction are not lacking. … I am thinking […]

APR
05
2007
Kill Your Idols

Oh, Christopher Hitchens. I used to be your biggest fan. I hate Mother Theresa and Bill Clinton just like you. I even forgave your support of the war in the early days of the invasion, because I knew you sympathize with the plight of Kurdistan. But you don’t return my e-mails or call. And then […]

MAR
30
2007
An Unpublished Hermit's Letters, Vol. 4

I'm in the middle of this really long, drawn out criticism of Christopher Hitchens' "I wasn't right, but I wasn't wrong" piece on Slate from last week, but it's taking way too long to pen and you, dear readers, are probably wondering what the hell is going on. So, I substitute a letter I wrote […]

MAR
15
2007
When You Hit 18, Stick to Civilian Life

I'm back from the valley of the shadow of blog death with an old favorite

JAN
16
2007
The Way To Win At Gambling Is To Leave When You're Ahead

Right off the bat, I'm going to make an embarrassing admission–several, actually. Earlier, I quoted Clausewitz as saying block|Clausewitz also said, the best way to attack a powerful enemy is to attack the weakness in their greatest strength.|block Clausewitz did not say this. Al Ries and Jack Trout said it. "Who?" I hear you cry. […]

JAN
09
2007
Dashing The Troops Against Iraq With Surging Tides

So the President is planning a surge, is he? All the warning signs are there–Dad’s friends on the Iraq Study Group embarrassed him, and he knows he has to announce some kind of change, so why not go for broke and double down on America’s military future? So The SurgeTM gets floated in some neoconservative […]

DEC
08
2006
Don’t Let That Giant Wooden Horse Into The… Sigh.

I started this blog on May 6th, 2003. For the previous few months, basically since I left Montreal, I had been working on a book at a maddeningly slow pace. The title was to be, “The End of the American Century,” and the premise was that in a hundred years or so, history students would […]

NOV
20
2006
It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times

So the Democrats have won back the Congress without a coherent plan to get us out of the war, and no wonder; Bush is still Commander-in-Chief and his lawyers have argued the President's position on Constitutional matters to the point that to call it a 'coup' would be stretching the truth only slightly. The Democrats, […]

OCT
25
2006
Forsake All Hope, Those Who Enter Into Iraq Debates

Less than a week from the mid-term elections and I’m starting to get worried that either a) the Democrats will lose, and b) the Democrats will win. Don’t Count Your Chicken-hawks Before They Hatch Smart people have a problem. They’re outnumbered by idiots. This is not necessarily meant as a jibe against either party, you […]

OCT
17
2006
Ten Questions About North Korea The White House Won't Have To Answer

When you watch a White House press conference (or that rarest of birds, a Presidential press conference), you'll notice that tough questions are increasingly being asked as journalists feel emboldened by Bush's low approval ratings. But there is still a line that many refuse to cross, a moratorium on real self-examination about our foregin policy.<br […]

SEP
09
2006
Offers We Should All Refuse

Now that I'm working for the good folks at a{http://www.mediachannel.org”>MediaChannel}a, and trying to write a book about technology (ever so slowly), I find that I haven't been blogging very much. One of the reasons I started this blog in the first place was to help me keep writing every day. In fact, I started out […]

SEP
04
2006
Being Objective About Objectives

Since my last post, the Middle East broke out into yet another war between right-wing militarists and Islamist militias, and President Bush went on a rhetorical offensive to shore up support for the war in Iraq (he hardly seems to mention Afghanistan anymore). Even though I haven’t posted on my blog for a while, I […]

JUN
11
2006
How Do You Define Civil Rights?

As the Senate geared up to vote on a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage last week, derisive howls were heard throughout the country when Senate Majority Leader Frist declared it a legislative priority. Though it’s clear that this ultimately doomed gesture was nothing but the purest pandering to cultural conservatives, there is a hidden truth […]

JUN
07
2006
Why Shoot The Messenger

Recently, David Asman of Fox News’ program “Forbes on Fox” asked the following question: “Bashing our military: seems like it’s a new sport for our media! But could all the negative headlines and lack of reporting about anything positive our brave men and women are doing there hurt America and our markets?” Naturally, Asman turns […]

MAY
19
2006
We Ought To Have That Growth Checked Out, It Might Be Cancerous

Turn on cable news at any given moment and chances are good you'll be hearing about either immigration or record gas prices. It occurred to me that although you'd never know it from watching corporate media, these two issues have much more in common than you think, and their causal link goes back hundreds of […]

MAY
08
2006
Healthy Skepticism

So, Saturday (May 6th) marked the third anniversary of Casual Asides. Faithful readers, I know you've been waiting breathlessly for the past month for me to update, and all I can tell you is that I've been working on a non-fiction book proposal instead of blogging. And don't worry, this week I'll break out that […]

MAR
31
2006
Weekend Sampler

<b>Abuse of Civil rights and Procedures</b> The lovely and always well-researched Ren has a really remarkable piece on the Nation website about the recent South Dakota Abortion Task Force, which was basically a front for a single State Rep's plan to challenge Roe v. Wade ASAP. The extended version of the piece is here, there's […]

MAR
19
2006
Iran’s Not So Far Away

With the third anniversary of the War in Iraq, our attentions have turned, naturally, to Iran. A while ago (before Iran’s nuclear program was making front-page news), I was talking to a friend about liberal interventionism, and of course, Iran came up. What did I ultimately propose to do, she asked, about the human rights […]

MAR
07
2006
In Media Res

I exhort you, faithful readers, to vote for my blog in the Best Writing category of the Koufax Awards. I have this fantasy of winning out over 126 contenders. As the Mets say, You Gotta Believe. Please, vote here (it says the voting hasn’t opened yet, but it has): Wampum’s Koufax Award for Best Writing […]

MAR
02
2006
While We’re Twiddling Our Thumbs

It’s a busy week; there hasn’t been much time for blogging lately. I was considering posting something about it that read, “light posting ahead, sorry folks.” Then I remembered I don’t post that often in the first place, so I won’t be making any apologies. Ha! There’s a quality/quantity tradeoff, especially when it comes to […]

FEB
23
2006
Hello, Seekers

Just wanted to thank everyone who’s been coming to this humble little blog lately. My traffic has doubled, due in no small part to my fellow Koufax nominees linking to my recent post about the whole British-to-Emirate ports deal. Then there are all the people looking up either David Sanborn or Muhammad Sharaf, sometimes in […]

FEB
21
2006
I'll Really Give You Something To Cry About

This weekend news came that the Bush Administration had approved the sale of Peninsular & Oriental Steam Navigation (a.k.a. "P & O"), the fourth-largest port operations firm in the world, to DP World, the seventh-largest. P & O is a British company, and DP World is owned by the United Arab Emirates. P & O […]

FEB
18
2006
The Evolution of Casual Asides

Since my internet connection went down earlier this week, I’ve been sitting and stewing about various things: No Blogging on Yom Kippur A few days ago, I was lamenting the fact that my traffic had been flagging lately. It’s not like I don’t know why; I don’t post every day, like most blogs do. These […]

FEB
09
2006
Top Ten Excuses for the Police State vs. Actual Police Work

If you didn’t think the White House was bereft of shame or even a sense of irony before, all you need to do is witness the latest salvo in its attempts to whitewash its failures. Today, in the midst of the investigations of Bush’s illegal NSA spying program (Bush supporters might prefer “extralegal” or “supralegal”) […]

JAN
28
2006
Follow the Money, Spread It Around

Recently, the Abramoff lobbying scandal has yielded a raft of proposals from both sides in an effort to combat the “Culture of Corruption” meme we’ve been hearing so much about. Before I (or anyone else) talk about these reform proposals, we need to understand what Abramoff is really charged with and how lobbying works in […]

JAN
20
2006
Hurricane Katrina Wipes Out the Whiteboard

I have a whiteboard, generously given as a birthday present by Elephant. For the last six-odd months, there has been a diagram on it which I had been working on for some time. As time passed and other stories became more pressing, I just left it up and began to cover it with other notes. […]

JAN
14
2006
Brief note about Abramoff

Posted this on the wikipedia site’s entry for the Abramoff scandal, figured you might like to hear it: “To say that this scandal is being ‘painted as Republican’ is dishonest and ignores facts about Abramoff which are certainly undisputable. He was chairman of the College Republican National Committee and worked for Reagan’s 1980 campaign. The […]

JAN
03
2006
December In Review (Several Days Late, As Expected)

Since I seem to be contenting myself with rehashing old themes lately, let’s go with the only one that people consistently seem to enjoy, i.e., actual casual asides. The Bush-NSA Spying Scandal Let us consider, for a moment, the depths of what has been revealed here. To begin with, I entered the words “warrant courts […]

DEC
24
2005
Letters, We Get Letters.

From: D. J. Waletzky To: Martin Nutt Subject: Re: Disappearing accents On Fri, 2005-12-23 at 18:31 -0500, M_a_r_t_i_n_n_u_t_t___X_@_X__a_o_l_._c_o_m wrote: In your page http://waletzky.com/dj/permalink.php?uid=104 (Sunday, 12 Sep 2004 ) you state The only country (to my knowledge, please correct me) that didn’t build its TV networks this way is the United States, where television was invented. […]

DEC
16
2005
The Tortured Logic of Torture Apologists

Dear Dr. Krauthammer, I came across your article in the Weekly Standard which argued for two hypothetical exceptions from a blanket ban on torturing prisoners by the U.S. government. I must tell you how strongly I disagree with your conclusions merely on practical grounds (to say nothing of the morality of torturing detainees, a complicated […]

DEC
08
2005
Fireside Chat With Senator Hilary Rodham Clinton

Dear Senator Clinton,Recently I read with interest your comments regarding the proposed partial criminalization of flag burning law in USA Today, namely,"I support federal legislation that would outlaw flag desecration," which I assume refers to HR 1974 IH, otherwise known as the Flag Protection Act of 2005. As your constituent, I have a few questions […]

NOV
18
2005
Open Source the Government

I've been working on proposals for the Democratic platform. House Democrats beat me to part of it a few days ago, so I figured I might as well share part of it with you today: environmental policy. Even if you don't have cancer or asthma or water damage or mercury poisoning, you probably know someone […]

OCT
10
2005
He Should Give It Again, Maybe Next Time In Blackface

Bush’s October 6th speech at the National Endowment for Democracy was so close to self-parody that for once, Bush’s smirks were actually humorous. It was like a Friar’s Club Speech, if the friars were experts on Middle East affairs. The theme of this speech is the comparison (more precisely, the equation) of Islamist terrorism to […]

OCT
04
2005
A Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy

Have you recently noticed, a whole bunch of GOP figures are being indicted, investigated or excoriated for various (alleged) wrongdoings? If you are the corporate media, the answer is yes, but if you're a conscientious, informed American citizen, the answer is no. Call it an amazing coincidence, but it seems that the recent rash of […]

SEP
26
2005
This Blog Is Fueled By Fossils Such As Fox News

When I saw that the President was going to hold a press conference on Fox News this morning, I got out my notepad and took some notes: Smirks Guffaws 9/26 Bush remarks re: energy supply Bush looks haggard, like he hasn’t slept or watched professional sports in days. The rumors that he’s started drinking again […]

SEP
19
2005
The Angry White Men

Note: I’ve been busy and uninspired lately. Actually, I’ve been trying to pitch articles to magazines instead of working like a dog to fact-check stuff for a blog that relatively few people read. The market has wreaked its horrible toll on this blog, I’m afraid. But don’t despair, I found this draft from a while […]

SEP
08
2005
Housecleaning, or Making the Best of a Bad Situation

I was working on a major piece about Katrina but have decided to pitch it to a magazine instead of publishing it here. Does this attempt at commodification make for a worse blog? Yes. So, this means there will be no sweeping socialist, environmentalist, civil libertarian broadsides this week; instead we have some odds and […]

AUG
29
2005
The Mother of All War Protests

As the pro-war contingent of American politics becomes increasingly desperate–oh, who am I kidding, it’s actually just standard operating procedure on both sides of the aisle–we have progressed to ad hominem attacks on prominent anti-war media figures. As with the Dixie Chicks, Michael Moore, Tim Robbins, and so forth, we now have hawks trying to […]

AUG
24
2005
Structuring Environmental Business Regulation

While talking to Elephant today, I repeated my assertion that what we need are better laws, not more of them. The simpler a law is, the harder it is to find loopholes in it; what we need are the right principles rather than approximately justifiable rules. Elephant said the only sort of "business restructuring" law […]

AUG
18
2005
Embargoes and the Limits of Government Market Controls

My friend Elephant sometimes says that he’s a pro-market liberal. But he often makes the excellent point that markets are always created by the state. It’s not just regulation which shapes and produces markets; there are the limits of enforcement as well as the means for chartering corporations. Now, I had been harboring some vestigial […]

AUG
15
2005
It's My Birthday, I Can Post If I Want To

So, I'm turning 25 as we speak, and I've decided to celebrate by being responsible and catching up on all this work I need to have done today. That is why this post is so short. I have been working on a post wherein I advocate withdrawing from NAFTA, the War on Drugs and Iraq […]

AUG
11
2005
The Ends-Means Problem in Chart Form

Often, people think that when I argue with them about the war on terror, or the war in Iraq, or the war in Afghanistan, that I am somehow traitorous or ‘morally indistinguishable’ from a fifth-columnist or Al-Qaeda terrorists. Especially when I note that many of their political complaints are founded (though as I’m sure you […]

AUG
03
2005
Poll w/Optional Computer Literacy Test

Question 1. Would people rather read policy and political critiques supported by careful research, <i>or</i> policy recommendations based on hypotheticals and moral philosophy? Question 2. Can you spot the bunny rabbit?<pre> /| __ / | ,-~ / Y // / | jj /( .^ >-"~"-v" / Y jo o | ( ~T~ j >._-' _./ […]

JUL
26
2005
Do As We Say, Not As We Do. Or Die.

Make no mistake, everyone who is involved in (American) politics, whether professionally or intellectually, wants to be the President (of the United States); even if only for a day. My problem is that I am, and always have been, totally unelectable–never won an election, probably never will. For one thing, Americans will vote for blacks […]

JUL
23
2005
Life, Liberty, and Total Horseshit

Brad, the newly repentant individual, has posted a reasoned, thoughtful account of his libertarian/natural rights philosophy here, and his argument sets out from an excellent starting point: block|…life, liberty, or property rights are quite easily discarded by an overbearing government. We can call them

JUL
18
2005
What Shall We Do With A Drunken Sailor?

Sometimes, when I talk about the foibles of our policies, people ask me, "well, what do you propose?" which is a good question. I prefer strategies which really look to the future, so here are some fun ways for us lefties to think two steps ahead: 1) Regardless of what Karl "The King of Plausible […]

JUL
17
2005
Let Me Tell You The Story of the Narrative Ontology

With the third anniversary of the War in Iraq, our attentions have turned, naturally, to Iran. A while ago (before Iran’s nuclear program was making front-page news), I was talking to a friend about liberal interventionism, and of course, Iran came up. What did I ultimately propose to do, she asked, about the human rights […]

JUL
14
2005
Justice and Freedom, or Vengeance and Imperialism?

While I was busying myself with other pursuits, Eric’s post about Iraq and Al-Qaeda seems to have prompted a really good discussion with Matt of Cerulean Blue and Mike of No Angst Zone (as always, I’ve arrived stylishly late to the party). In the thick of all this, Mike comes up with an essentially flawed […]

JUL
11
2005
An Omnibus Responsa, Ceteris Paribus

Two recent posts on blogs I read regularly have been bothering me: most disturbing is Time for the West to Close its Borders to Muslim Immigrants over at The Kvetcher, and the other one is DadaHead's post linking to Prof. Brian Leiter's "This is how we shall preach to the converted" manifesto. I'll take on […]

JUL
11
2005
Racial Profiling Redux

When Lincoln freed the slaves (in Confederate territory only, of course), some of the most voracious opposition came not from slave owners, but from poor whites. To be sure, there was an economic aspect–freed blacks would now be competing for jobs–but there was a more important and deeper social logic behind their opposition. If you […]

JUL
10
2005
Penguin Island

I’m in the middle of writing a very, very long post about Iraq, but in the meantime, I have discovered that my favorite book of all time, Penguin Island by Anatole France, is available entirely free as a plaintext file! Three cheers for the public domain! And although it was written in 1908, it’s an […]

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